Neat

Yesterday I wrote about Christmas. And some of the odd international traditions that accompany Feliz Navidad. Today, in the spirit of equal opportunity offensiveness, I take on Hanukkah. Or Chanukkah. Or The Festival of Lights.

First, to be clear and for the uninformed, it is not the Jewish equivalent of Christmas. 

You're on a computer or holding one in your hand, if it were that interesting, you could Google the holiday and find out that like most Jewish holidays it's a celebration of such-and-such or who-and-who didn't kill us. 

Seems appropriate given the current tsunami of antisemitism.

However, like Christmas and because the shareholders at Target, Walmart and Nordstrom have profits to make, there is ample gift-giving. To that end, I've heard that I am particularly hard person to get gifts for.

And it's true. 

In the material world there is not much I want for. What I have, I'm happy for. What I want, I can usually get, except for clothing that fits my barrel chested torso or a beard trimmer that doesn't make me look like I've been to an epileptic barber.

What I'd really like is for a little more harmony with my daughters who are still adjusting to my adjusting to life as a widower. 

That's a slow and painful work in progress.

But here's what I don't want. Nor do I understand why ads for it keep popping up, and will pop up more regularly now, in my social feed -- An Ice Bath.

What kind of sadistic fakakta-for-brains Nazi came up with that? I'm guessing the photo above was heavily retouched, because no sane human being would be smiling while submerged in an oversized crockpot filled with sub-Arctic water and enough stinging, jagged ice cubes to launch a Keith Richards' birthday party. 

After I'm done writing this post I'm walking 3/10ths of a mile to the Culver City Plunge, where the water is a balmy 78 degrees. The other swimmers jump in when the timer hits 00:00. It takes me a good three minutes to mentally prepare for that initial step off the ledge.

I'm getting goose bumps and my teeth are chattering just thinking about it.

No Ice Baths for me, but my liquor cabinet could use two more of these ice making glasses...