Letters, we get letters

Last week, we looked at and talked about some of the unannounced fan mail I receive from the deepest corners of the ether. Today we're examining the flipside of all that, hate mail. 

Or, UnFan Mail. 

Perhaps it's the universe talking to me again, but as I was cleaning out my garage trying to figure out how to move the amplifier and stereo turntable into my newly arranged living room, I hit the jackpot. 

I stumbled across a collection of letters. 

OK, they're actually emails sent in the early days of the Internet and AOL -- go ahead imagine that iconic crackling sound of your modem hooking up to the interwebs -- all addressed to the ABC Community Relations Department. I always thought these would be great grist for the mill and wanted to do a series of commercials featuring our ABC spokesperson, the legendary Steve Shenbaum...

...answering each letter in his dry, sardonic manner, and seeking to convert every hater into an ABC lover. But the network powers that be, didn't see the opportunity nor the goldmine represented by these vitriolic digital missives.

Believe or not I don't like to revisit the work we did 25 years ago. But Ms. Muse, a fellow denizen of the tawdry advertising world, suggests I own it. 

Similarly, I. might have shared these years ago but that was in the early days of RoundSeventeen. And I'm quite sure those readers have already left the building and are on to more meatier and meaningful morning reading. Or they're listening to podcasts. So there's little chance of offending them by repeating myself.

Besides, I'm 64, I can just say I'm old and forgot.

Without further ado, our first piece of Hate Mail comes from Fred Smith in Groveland, OH:

I curse ABC each morning on my way to work when I pass the godawful yellow billboard that says: "Most people only use 10% of their brain. That's way too much."

Thank you Fred, your complimentary ABC coasters are on their way.

Thomas Watkins in Chicago writes:

Your advertorial, TV is Good is cretinous. To group Farah Fawcett's introduction, JFK's assassination and our moonwalk is not only vulgar, it's blasphemous. I bet the mope copywriter repsonsible for your ad is liekly an uneducated vulagian (SP) anyway, so I can't hold him responsible."

Thank you Thomas. Do you think I can get a refund from Syracuse University?

Amy Hooper from Vermont writes:

Husband Not Funny? Great, another attack on reasonable priorities. This time prescribing television usage as a way for a couple who no longer get along particularly well to spend time together. And somehow makeup for a lack of enchantment and romance in a relationship. Insulting.

We're sorry Amy, are there no counselors in Vermont?

That's just a small smattering. Perhaps we can revisit some of these at a later date when this round of readers has moved on and we welcome a whole new batch of readers to the R17 fold.

But before we sign off today, you should know that the people who took the time to express their feelings to the ABC brass were not all bad.

Frank Rosenbaum, another landsman from New York, writes:

I have seen many cool ads recently for ABC on the subway station. I like your campaign. I would like to inquire about the possibility of obtaining these ads in the same format to decorate my den.

Thank you Frank, what does Mrs. Rosenbaum think about all that?