Wednesday, May 22, 2019

It's Illuminati Time

It's that time again. Time to pop in on Mr. Donald J. Beckham, Illuminati recruiter to the stars.

Last week Donnie (I love that his name is Donald) sent me pictures of himself. Even though it was in clear violation of Illuminati law. I think he is going out of his way to charm me, Mr. Heywood Jablomi, because my character is currently holed up in a hospital with a very bad brain injury. You know from being hit on the hit with an anvil.

Consequently I went out of my way to answer all his questions.

Don, the Illuminati Head Official, responds rather quickly. And curtly.

Listen Mister Nigerian Internet Scammer, I set the rules around here. 
Mr. Heywood Jablomi.

And of course he obliges. But has more "important" questions for me to answer.

Questions, I love to answer questions.

I'm pretty sure he didn't read my answers. And he wastes no time getting to the meat of the matter, collecting his money.

At this point, I try something I've never tried before. I send him an email I had intended for my mother.

This gives me an opportunity to further dimensionalize my character and add some details that may or may not affect Mr. Beckham. I followed the mistaken email with another.

And yet despite my being in a hospital after being hit by an anvil from the Acme Anvil Company and despite the fact that my mother needs a hip replacement and that I plan to use my lawsuit compensation to get her a new hip replacement, with one of those good ball and sockets, Mr. Beckham, in all his greediness, will not be dissuaded.

He fires off three emails, in quick order.

Oh Don, poor Don, I have the $120 but you're going to have to work a lot harder to see a cent of it. 

A lot harder. 

Stay tuned.

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