I'm now a Smoker.

Those of you who have met me in in real life, know I'm quite rigid on the topic of smoking. Actually, I can be quite rigid on a lot of topics. Kind of binary in my thinking. I either love something or I hate it. Not a lot of room for nuance. I explain it, often to my wife, that unlike others, I am unusually clear minded. She counters, more like unusually thick-headed.

And no where is this more obvious than my disdain for cigarette smoking. I don't like it. Can't stand it. And for better or worse, I often keep my distance from people who do.

Which makes the headline above so disconcerting.

Of course it's also misleading, because I have not taken up smoking tobacco, I have begun smoking meats.

After weeks of research and numerous visits to the various high end, overpriced BBQ stores that dot the landscape of West Los Angeles, I caved in and bought myself a Traeger. The TFB42LZBO.

It's being delivered later this afternoon, just in time for Thanksgiving. And already my head is in a foggy swirl, dreaming of Texas-style brisket, fall-off-the-bone ribs and to the dismay of generations of Polish/Russian Ashkenazi Jews now turning over in their shtetl graves, mounds of mouth-watering pulled pork.

Mmmmm, dietary kosher law violation.

I've already found myself scouring the Internet for interesting smoked meat recipes. Investigating online smoked meat suppliers of duck, ox and yak. And browsing through the cavalcade of smoked meat accessories. As a matter of fact I do need an apron that says, "I'm Smoking."

The anticipation is killing me. I'm seriously at the point of consecutive carnivorous climaxes.

You might be wondering what led me to the magical wonders of smoked wood-pellet cooking? It started where all good conspicuous consumption starts -- on TV. It wasn't a banner ad. Or an Instagram Instie thingie. Or even an ad on my mobile device. By the way, I never see ads on my phone, and if I do they're always too small to see.

No, this bromance was all Old School.

With a twist, of course, it wasn't a TV commercial that sunk its hooks into my meat craving mouth, wait that didn't come out right. It was a 30 minute infomercial.

As I mentioned weeks ago, I believe the infomercial (the original branded content vehicle, if you will) is the future of our business.

Unlike these new fangled 6 second message units or whatever the fuck the media people are pitching these days, infomercials are informative. They're persuasive. And they're effective. The Traeger infomercial lacked production value. And to be honest it wasn't all that engaging. But when you're hawking slow-cooked juicy, sweet and tangy baby back ribs, it doesn't have to be.

All this talk about meat and advertising reminds of a headline I wrote years ago. It might have been for AppleBee's or Sizzler or Smith & Wolensky. At this point in my career they all blend together. I only remember that unmistakable look on the client's face when we presented this and her scowl of indignation before killing the entire campaign.

If God didn't want us to BBQ cows,
he wouldn't have made them so easy to catch.