Anyone But Drumpf

What started out as a funny gag on The Daily Show six months ago is now turning into America's worst nightmare -- the legitimate candidacy of one Donald J Drumpf.

And with this week's Super Tuesday sweeps, the momentum doesn't seem to be stopping anytime.

I'm 44 years old and have seen a slew of terrible presidential candidates. And I understand the aversion to Hillary Clinton or even that radical Jew from Bethlehem...er, Burlington with all his un-Christian like beliefs like feeding poor people, taking care of the sick and being kinder and gentler to our neighbors. Blasphemy!

But I have never seen a candidate as rude, as coarse, as uneducated and as unqualified to rule the free world than this merkin-donning, populist-pandering, deal-pimping gasbag who thinks he can ascend to the Presidency by promising to throw in the floor mats and undercoat sealing.

He is certifiably dangerous in a way you'd think Rance Priebus and the power brokers at the GOP would recognize.

I'm not clear on all the mechanics of delegates, super-delegates and brokered conventions. But I can suggest other viable contenders that would be more preferable than this classless gold-dusted Fascist.

Remember Captain Joe Hazelwood? He has proven leadership abilities even though he got really shitfaced one night and ran the Exxon Valdez into a sandbar, spilling millions of gallons of unrefined crude oil into the Alaskan sea.

"Give me 90 degrees hard to Starboard side. No, make that Port. Mmmmm, Port."

How about Rev. Peter Popoff? This bible-thumping charlatan has a way with people. He's been ripping them off, soliciting their donations and rewarding their good will with small vials of Jesus water.

Americans love a candidate with military experience. What about General Buck Turgidson? When asked about his plans for a pre-emptive strike on Russia, he replied, "I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed, tops. Depending on the breaks."

And finally, there's Iris Castillo. A Florida (no surprise there) man who was recently arrested for the third time for having sex with a horse. But Americans love a candidate with a sense of determination an innate sense of animal husbandry.

Come on people, Anyone but Drumpf!