Thursday, February 18, 2016

Colon Blow


Allow me to be honest with you.

Actually, there have been very few occasions when I have not been honest with you. This inability to mask my true feelings and deceitfully manipulate the behavior of colleagues, above all else, accounts for my professional underachievement.

Nevertheless.

Each week I approach this blog with several ideas for my semi-daily posts (which by the way are all written on Saturday morning). This week, perhaps because I am knee-deep in a project, I found myself coming up short on ideas.

I'll write it later, I thought.

The good Lord, who I don't believe in, will surely provide the necessary material. Perhaps on Monday. Or Tuesday. Or maybe even Wednesday, which would have thrown me into a last minute tailspin.

But he, or she, in their Flying Spaghetti Monster goodness, delivered the goods on Sunday morning. Submitted for your amusement, a full page newspaper ad --remember those?-- for Cologuard, the latest advancement in the dubious  world of medical screening.

From what I can gather from the ad and the overly excited man who has just received his Cologuard home testing package, the premise is very simple: you get the box, you shit in the box and you send the box back to Cologuard whose employees in the mailroom must surely be cursing their wretched shit-box receiving lives.

I give the ad agency points for staying on brief (insert underwear joke here), and employing ethnically diverse characters.

However, after spending a life in the agency world and knowing that good work often gets killed by pedantic people who have no right to kill good work, I can't help thinking there were other concepts and headlines pinned to the foam core board that might have merited further consideration...


Drop the kids off at the Post Office.


Your #2 is our #1 Priority.


Take advantage of our President's Day Special. Send us your Lincoln Logs.


What did you have for dinner last night?


"Open the pod bay doors, Hal."


And in a nod to the convenience of UPS Shipping,


What can Brown do for you?






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