Monday, January 12, 2015

Clip a Coupon

Lately there have been a spate of articles bemoaning the diminishing productivity of the Open Office Plan.

Harvard Business Review offered a scholarly debunking of this recent real estate phenomena.

The lofty New Yorker did a hatchet job on these new 21st century white collar sweatshops.

And as recently as last week, the Washington Post featured a whiny article about the Office Open Plan, written by, get this, an advertising copywriter. I'm sure they tried to reach me but my landline was out of order.

Or I might have been busy writing banner ads for new Comfort Catheters™.

"When you need to drain toxic fluids from your disfunctioning excretionary organs, think comfort, think Comfort Catheters™."

Listen honey and your fancy-pants article in the Washington Post, if I may use that pejorative, you're a little late to the party. I took down that windmill years ago. And have peed on the ashes many times since.

Lack of privacy.
False promises of increased collaboration.
Blah, blah, blah.
That ground has been covered. And though I'm fond (read: lazy) of rehashing old material, today I want to go in a new direction.

Last week, after a little smiling and dialing, I booked two new assignments. One is short term and will require my immediate attention. The other is longer term and will require pacing.

Both, however are telecommuting jobs, meaning neither will require me to sit in an office, where I would no doubt be seated at a picnic table across from a gaggle of girls talking about the jello shots they did over the weekend. Or hipster dudes, fond of keffiyehs and colored baubles in their beard.

In other words, I will be working at my house, where the coffee is always hot and the toilet is never occupied. Or I'll be at my buddy John's house, which is no more than 400 yards from the Pacific Ocean.

I'm pretty sure it doesn't get any better than that.

If I had my druthers, and why shouldn't I, I'd work like this all the time.

Which got me thinking. Which got me to the online coupon generator. (see above)

So here's the deal. Book me for a job, spare me the wasted time in your ungodly open office plan and allow me to work where I work best, and I will offer you a 10% discount on my usual day rate.

You save money. I get to walk my dog and go for a swim in the middle of the day. And the work is, I like to think, better, clearer and more sellable to your demanding clients.

It's a win-win-win situation.

Call now because these deals won't last forever. Certain restrictions may apply. Subject to approval. Offer not good in Tennessee.

And, with apologies to my Nashville-born buddy Greg, really, what is?

1 comment:

george tannenbaum said...

This "over-priced New York freelancer" offers 20% savings not to do any work at all.