Who wants gravy?

The algorithm, surely she is blessed with Wiccan powers I dare not resist.

Last week, despite my militant 8+ years of Anti-Trumpism, I was sent an offer for a free Trump 2024 desk calendar. How does a sane human being choose to ignore such temptation? It was FREE. And it was chock full of glossy photos of our esteemed ex-President doing the kind of Rockwellian activities that are only the purview of 'Real Americans.'

Setting the Thanksgiving Day Ceremonial Meal.

Making snowmen, while attired in suit and tie.

And sharing monogamous quality time with the woman he loves. And cherishes. And remains faithful too.  No horseface on that filly.

Naturally, I jumped. Take my email address. My phone number. My gigabytes of radical, leftist, commie data. I must have that FREE calendar and its heavily airbrushed photos on my desk at all times. 

Look at this come on. It says FREE three times. In one screen grab. 

Surely, like his 2000 Mile Wall, his sprawling Infrastructure Plan, his Immigration Reform, his groundbreaking trade deals, and his "big, beautiful Healthcare plan" that would replace Obamacare, he wouldn't say FREE it if he didn't mean it.

Yeah, no.

They wanted me to spend $6.95 in Shipping and Handling for the privilege of putting their campaign material in my home. And they didn't stop there. Like any wise marketer, they tried to upsell me. 

I don't know what's more amusing. Charging $7 for a fifty cent coin that's not even worth fifty cents. A Trump Never Surrender Coin featuring a picture of him literally surrendering. Or a self-owning Certificate of Authenticity that indeed certifies the buyer of such is a Grade A Mammalucco.

Finally, and you know I saved the best for last, there's this...

As we speak, the man facing 91criminal counts for inciting an Insurrection, trying to steal and election, creating false electors, threatening Georgia state officials, stealing Top Secret documents and obstructing justice at every turn, is not featured on any US currency. 

Frankly, he has a better chance of ending up on Mt. Rushmore. 

But if I were a stone worker living in South Dakota, I wouldn't be making any large purchases anytime soon.