"Hello, FBI Headquarters, how can I help you?"

Things are moving incredibly fast in the transfer of my $35 million inheritance from a long lost relative, Aiden Siegel. For those who don't recall, he was exiled to Hong Kong where he made his fortune in the Export/Export business.

Mr. Wong, who initially contacted me about this amazing windfall, told me I needed to work with a local Hong Kong lawyer, I was hesitant but decided to advance this adventure by contacting his guy, Mr. Lambert Liu, who I will now start addressing as Mr. Adam Lambert, of American Idol fame.

Why? Because I can.

Dear Mr. Adam Lambert,

I am receipt of your letter and look forward to working with CTR Solicitors. 

I took the liberty of looking up Jardine House on the Google. That is a very tall building. I once lived in Queens NY on the 22nd floor. We had a terrace and would throw coins, marshmallows and Super Balls™ from that great height. I can't imagine how high a Super Ball would bounce when thrown from the roof of Jardine House. You're probably too busy to try that. 

My neighbor, Perry Mason was also a lawyer and he was very busy. All the time. Guess that's why he could afford a Cadillac.

Per your request, my legal name is Chappy (Richard) Siegel. I don't particularly like my name so I often go by Richard. Or whatever strikes my fancy on a particular day. 

My birthday is June 31, 1953. 

I currently live at 2030 SW 145th Street, Miramar, Florida 33027

I am a retired Flange Salesman. If you ever need a flange(s) I can still get you a wholesale price.

I'd give you my phone number, but it got nicked at last Tuesday's bingo game in the main parlor. I'm pretty sure it was Shirley Feldman, that old bat.

I hope we can expedite this transaction, so I can get a new phone. And who knows, maybe fly to Hong Kong to meet you and celebrate this amazing unexpected windfall.

Thank you Mr. Lambert, I look forward to hearing from you.

Chappy (Richard) Siegel

Mr. Lambert, who may or may not be a good singer, was quick to return a reply. He didn't do much vetting of my reply as the address I gave him was for the FBI headquarters in Florida. I chose Florida because with the advent of Florida man jokes, he'd be more likely to think I was a gullible nitwit.

Here was his response:

Dear Mr. Richard Siegel,

 

Thanks for the offer ref flanges, though I doubt I would be needing to invest in flanges anytime soon.

 

Attached herein is a Power of Attorney document which you are required to sign and send back to me. Its purpose being to give authorization to us for the sole purpose of facilitating the transfer of the estate of the decedent whom you have been designated as the next-of-kin and as the Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation(HSBC) where the assets are domiciled will be advised.

 

Upon receipt of your signed power of attorney document, we will endeavor to file an application for grant of inheritance on your behalf with the Probate Registry, the administrators of the estate. Please sign the attached document. Notarization will be done by a Hong Kong notary.

 

Regards,

 

Lambert Liu

Consultant

Cheung, Tang & Rosemount Solicitors

Frankly, I was surprised he picked up on the mention of flanges. My experience with these scammers is that they don't read or don't know how to read and are laser focused on playing out the scheme, with their eye on extracting money from me.

I was even more surprised that I already have a souvenir from this digital back and forth, in the form of a pdf which Mr. Lambert has already filled out for me and just awaits my legal signature.

Feast your eyes on this...

This is so much better than pickleball!