FOMOOC

I am a little hesitant to write this post. 

Not that I'm superstitious or believe in jinxes or place any value in the zodiac, but I feel like I'm tempting the Fates when I mention that I may be the only man in Los Angeles who has never had Covid.

I'm also hoping the folks at my former employ don't see this. I kinda fibbed to them and played hooky 2 days before my involuntary dismissal. 

And for good reason. I knew my head was on the chopping block and an ugly pink slip phone call was in the works. But I was not about to let them can me hours before my second year of stock vesting was to take place.

I learned later that my official planned termination would be weeks away, but I wasn't about to take a chance. I ate too many bowls of vocational shit and swallowed what was left of my diminishing pride to be screwed out of some vital Stay-Out-Of-Dirty-Nursing-Home Money. Hence the faked cough, the imaginary high fever and the absolute inability to take a phone call.

But now I have to wonder how is it neither I, nor anyone in my immediate family, have contracted the Coronavirus. 

Or, as our xenophobic ex president calls it, the Jiiiiina Virus. 

This is the same brain-impaired clown and GOP presidential frontrunner, who uses phrases like "The Blacks" and "Those guys with the funny hats". And goes out of his way to enunciate every Islamophobic syllable of Ba-rrack Hu-sein O-Bam-a.

I miss the days when even the whiff of bigotry would be enough to disqualify a politician from public service.

Back to the other illness. Could I be blessed with some magical gene? Could the one that makes uncontrollable hair grow out of my ears also shield me from this nasty cursed contagion?

I know people who have had Covid, not just once. But on multiple occasions. These are the same smart people who exercise (maybe not as much as I do), eat healthy (probably not as much salmon as me) and despite the expert medical advice of Lauren Bohbert, Marjorie Taylor Green and the International Ivermectin Cartel, got all their FDA approved vaccine shots.

Am I suffering from FOMOOC, Fear Of Missing Out On Covid? 

Do I want Covid? 

Obviously not. 

However the idea of staying in bed under my down comforter all day, being taken care of by the women in my life, taking a break from the Peloton, weights and increasingly colder pool water, and sucking down matzo ball night day, does have its certain appeal.