Kids, don't do this

This is the first time you've ever seen this ad for Whole Foods Market. That's because it never ran. It, and two others were part of a campaign Jean Robaire and I came up with for a new business pitch. The agency never used our work. 

I don't remember what they came up with to win the account and rebrand Whole Foods. And I'm sure you don't as well. Of course it's frustrating but as Hyman Roth tells Michael Corleone, "This is the business we've chosen. It's all about business."

Here are two more from the same campaign which used minimalism and simplicity to set Whole Foods apart from any other grocery store.

I'm taking this little nostalgic trip to the past and unproduced work because a Creative Director (Kevan Kalyan at ThumbTack in Canada) who has been following this blog asked me to speak to his creative department today and selected this campaign (among many) for me to reference.

Frankly I don't know why anyone would think my jaded, cynical and acerbic opinions on our little business would be helpful to anyone. But he promised me a nice bottle of bourbon for my troubles and I thought hell yes.

People like giving me bottles of bourbon.

In preparing for today's little speech I became painfully aware of how dated I am in this industry. Close to 40 years as a copywriter. Plus two more years as a Mailroom Clerk and a Media Estimator. Both of those positions have been eliminated via redundancy via technology. In fact, with the ascendance of ChatGPT and Bard, I'm guessing half the kids I'm talking to today will no longer be working in the Creative Department. 

Fuck Elon Musk!

I probably won't be talking about that today, the point is to be encouraging. 

The other point, and this is becoming crystal clear to me, is that I and many of my friends and colleagues, were in the business at just the right time. 

While I'm tripping the light fantastic down Memory Lane, here's a Subject Line I wrote for PayPal at the height of the Pandemic and the introduction of the new vaccine. This one line, which never left the building and was only for internal presentation, almost got me fired and necessitated a phony heart in hands apology letter to the department :), went as follows:

"The most viral thing on the internet since Nikki Minaj's cousin's swollen testicles." 

How do you NOT open an email like that? 

How?