No more cold pizza

There's been a spew of How to Succeed in Advertising By Trying Really Hard, Eating Lots of Bowls of Shit and Staying Late Every Goddamn Weekend books recently.

Weeks ago I reviewed Junior by Thomas Kemeny. I understand Luke Sullivan, will be re-releasing an updated version of his book, Hey Whipple, Squeeze This. And yesterday I received my copy of my friend Cameron Day's Book, Chew with Your Mind Open. 

I haven't had time to dig into Cameron's book so I won't short shift him here with a high school type review.

If I were to do my own version of one of these how-to books it would be incredibly short, not to mention highly acerbic. I would simply advise youngsters coming into the business to do everything 180 degrees from what I did.

Truth is, I don't have the wisdom or the answers to any of this mishigas. 

If I did, my career, even in its current state of rapid decline, would not be spent... oh, I think in the interest of preserving my 401k plan, I'll stop right there.

But here's one truth that I have come to know after all these many years in this business: doing crappy work is infinitely harder and more time consuming than doing good work. Infinitely.

As an added axiom, I know many of these books will tell you that every assignment is an opportunity, something I might have believed in my early days at Chiat/Day. But as a natural born contrarian, I'm here to tell you, that little nugget is nothing more chocolate covered cowshit.

There are bad assignments, particularly in the data-fueled world of 2021. 

If, for instance a young copywriter, working on a supermarket account is told, "we need you to do a banner ad for "Iceberg Lettuce, now $1.29 a Head." There's simply not a lot of wiggle room there. 

Particularly when the mandatories include:

* Must mention Iceberg Lettuce 

* Must state the price, $1.29

* And must not exceed 6 words

I'd have much better luck writing a Super Bowl spot for this than a pithy banner ad. In fact, I could have 3 great Super Bowl spots written around this absurd premise before I could come up with 3 viable alternatives to: "Iceberg Lettuce, now $1.29 a Head."

It cannot be done. Nor, I'll add, should it.

Sometimes Sisyphus, and all you aspiring copywriters, it's better to let that mighty 12 ton rock roll right on down the hill and smash through the front doors of a Chick Filet. Or a Hobby Lobby. Or the local RNC headquarters.

End of rant.

Have a great weekend.