Wednesday, December 2, 2020

The Cohen Chronicles

It should be noted that for a guy who makes a living in advertising and marketing, I do a piss poor job of giving my "audience" --- such as it is -- what they want.

To wit, my countless postings on the various physical ailments that have taken their toll on this 44 year old body. Nobody wants to read about that.

Or my recent ramblings on Chess. Despite the popularity of the amazing miniseries on Netflix, no one, not a single soul in my limited sphere wants to read about chess.

And my book reviews. Particularly since I've covered the entire gambit of books about Precedent Shitgibbon. And yet I am adding one more to the pyre, that's right I burn each one as soon as I turn the last page so as not to soil my small personal library.

Nevertheless, if you must read one book on Commander Assnapkin, make sure it's this one.

Oh sure Philip Rucker and his WaPo partner, whose name escapes me, do a fine job recapping the shit show at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. But their rendition is quite dry and frankly not so compelling.

David Frum does an excellent job and I like his writing style.

And of course, there are the two riveting books, appropriately titled FEAR and RAGE, by Bob Woodward. These are worth reading because many of the quotes from Grandpa Ramblemouth are actual quotes from Grandpa Ramblemouth and have been immortalized on audio tape.

It should also be noted that nothing these authors have stated has ever been contested. Meaning it's not Fake News as Captain Ouchie Foot often claims. Otherwise he would have brought his coterie of lawyers to bear on the case and charge the truthtellers with libel.

He didn't. And that tells you so much.

Which brings me to Michael Cohen, also unassailed by the Trump legal team, and his titilating tome. In a word, it's juicy.  It reads like 400 pages of People magazine. And does not suffer from the arrid, politics-heavy writing of the aforementioned books.

For instance there's the time Ivanka snubbed Cohen's daughter in the lobby of Trump Tower.

Or the time Trump rigged the GOP polls in 2016 and then stiffed the poll rigger.

Or my favorite, when the President of the United States of America, Captain Ouchie Foot, chose the wrong paint to refresh the old golf course, Doral, that he just bought. The went on to sue the manufacturer Benjamin Moore. This is a prime example of his shady modus operandi.

It's all pretty damning. And it paints the picture of a craven, lying motherfucker we've all come to know and hate.

I cannot wait to piss on his grave.

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