Monday, December 9, 2019

Love on the rocks

Last week a colleague and friend of mine went full mea culpa and admitted that in the late 1990's he had spent considerable disposable income on meaningless toys and tschotchkes. I'll come clean and concur it was a jaunty time. And I too spent stupid money on fancy cigars, expensive athletic performance T-shirts and 31 flavors of non-functioning Minoxidol.

He then astutely pointed out that had he poured that money into stock from a small company named Amazon, he'd now be sitting on a Nest Egg, upwards of $5 million. Painfully, I'd be in the same yacht and would not be having to sweat the latest round of revisions from Harry's House of Catheters.

That's not to say I don't recognize a good investment when I see one.

About a year and half ago, when it looked like we were going to get in a nuclear conflagration with the DPRK, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea), and against all odds, the Dear Eaters of both countries called a truce.

And not just any truce.

Where once there was saber rattling and juvenile name calling, now there was jocularity and love letters. Lots of Love letters.

Nixon had his "Shuttle Diplomacy."

Captain Ouchie Foot has his "Cuddle Diplomacy."

Not long after that the White House announced the minting of a 'beautiful' presidential coin (seen above.) I knew I had to have this official commemorative heirloom. In fact, because I want to pass it on to future generations of Siegels, I knew I had to have two, one for each of my daughters.

You might laugh when you hear this, but when I wrote about these massive and weighty hunks of precision machine-stamped coins a little more than a year ago, several other R17 readers also purchased these now rare showpieces. Look, I'm an influencer.

Last week amid all the sturm and drang of Ukraine, impeachment hearings, Supreme Court rulings, inadequate toilet bowl operations and the traveling adventures of Rudy Colludy, there were big developments above the 38th Parallel.

Kim Jong Un not only launched the Quotang 13/B, their largest missile ever, he also launched a rhetorical offensive, promising to deliver a "Christmas Gift" to the United States unless Precedent Shitgibbon caved in to his demands (which he will). He even used the D-word, Dotard.

I don't know what this means for our two morbidly obese lovers.

I don't know what it means for our two countries.

Most importantly, I don't know what it means for the value of my two White House-approved commemorative coins that will according to the Gift Shop website, "brighten any fireplace mantle."

I only know that I should have just bought Amazon stock.

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