Man the lifeboats

This chart was snagged from Friday's edition of the Wall Street Journal.

I purposely cropped it so, other than the sharp declining trend, you would have no idea what it refers to.

For instance, it could be the declining trust our allies place in the leadership of the US government. That would hardly be surprising after we chummed the Kurdish held villages in Northern Syria and then unleashed the ravenous Turks upon them.

The chart could be a poll referencing the number of Americans who, barraged by the daily truckload of lies, conspiracies and indictments, are now losing trust in Captain Ouchie Foot, a man who claimed US Steel had opened 6 new plants yet cannot produce one photograph of himself cutting the ceremonial ribbon.

Or the chart could be a representation of the declining revenue stream here at Rich Siegel Worldwide, due in large part to two bathroom remodels, hidden college tuition bills, and the slowing demand from my client, Harry's House of Catheters.

In actuality, the troubling chart above is reflection of the woes that now beset Publicis (as well as the other big holding companies), which includes Saatchi, Fallon, Sapient and Leo Burnett.

Now, I'm not about to badmouth any of these ad agencies, mostly because I've done work at all of them.

Except, notably Fallon, who once had the good sense to bring America, Evil Beaver.

Nor do I pretend to know how to cure what ails them. I never attended a Sigma Six pow-wow, I could not define EBITDA anymore than Steve Mnuchin could, and can barely tell you the difference between advertising and marketing.

So don't even ask.

But, naturally, I do have some advice for ad agencies wanting to move forward.

Get out of the Weeds -- This whole data-driven experiment has run its course. Clicks and Likes are not the same as Sales and Cash. So you designed the perfect "messaging unit" for a 33 year old mom in Boise, Idaho, who is a self-actuated innovator and enjoys mountain biking, DIY projects and gluten-free cranberry scones. No one gives a fuck. The client has a warehouse full of shoelaces and no purchase orders.

Get out of the Weeds, Part II -- Content Marketing? This is another one of these vacuous terms that defy logic. Why in the world are we taking advice from Gary Vaynerchuck? What brand has Gary Vaynerchuck put on the map (other than his own)? Where is the work? Where is the proof? Where is the pudding? No one wants to watch a video about Pledge Furniture Spray or read a 3 page article about mayonnaise. Also, and just for the record, I have a hard time listening to someone who states "quantity is more important than quality." 

Eat me, Gary.

And finally, at the risk of oversimplifying...

Get back to doing Campaigns -- What happened to big, beautiful, well thought out campaigns that position a product and reposition the competition? I'll tell you what happened. They got hacked to death by a 1000 cuts, including:

* The Long Table of Mediocrity™
* FFDKK's™ (Frivolous Fuckwadian Digital Knick Knacks, see above)
* 24 hour brand turnarounds
* group think and creative by committee
* fearful, small minded careerists
* salary freezes (only the people who do the work)
* micro targeting (see above)
* the abandonment of human insight
* Post it notes
* The loss of magic (it may be hard to believe but there was once a time when people thought of the business and being in the business as a dream job)

You show me a happy employee and I'll show you someone stumbled out of the elevator at the wrong floor.