Senator Who?

This is Nebraska Senator Deb Fischer.

You don't find too many women in the US Senate. Much less of the republican stripe, as the GOP prefers their female folk to be pregnant, barefoot or at the very least making a sandwich.

But don't get ahead of yourself. Before you start thinking things are changing, it becomes abundantly clear they are not.

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3.21.19

Senator Deb Fischer

454 Russell Senate Office building

Washington, DC 20510

Dear Senator Fischer,

This morning I am a little beside myself. 

You see, not long ago I decided to pen a letter to each of the 53 Republican US Senators. Not surprisingly there were very few females on the list. Everyone knows about Senator Susan Collins, she of the wavy voice I cannot listen to. 

And of course, there's Senator Murkowski from Alaska, she of the wavy moral compass who likes to talk a big game but often votes otherwise. Or as I like to say, "Senator Murkowski, now with 27% more Jeff Flake."

So you can imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon Senator Ernst, Senator Hyde-Smith and now you.  That makes FIVE females in the Republican Senate Chamber, you know, if you don't count Ms. Lindsey Graham. 

But my shock is more than chromosomal.

As with every other senator, I've done a little digging and researched your past as Nebraska's finest. This has become my standard operating procedures with each of your colleagues. And absolutely necessary with the senators who don't get air time on CNN or don’t grandstand before the respective committees.  

By the way, I know he's not a senator but can one of you guys pony up and buy a blazer for Congressman Jim Jordan? I used to buy sport coats for my crazy uncle who lived in assisted living. The local Goodwill has a very nice selection.

Last week, you did something very few Kool Aid Drinkers...er, Republican Senators, ever do. You voiced a contrarian opinion and risked incurring the wrath of Precedent Shitgibbon. 

I don't want to misconstrue the facts, so here's the direct quote...

"I am angry by reports that show we have long suspected: former EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt ignored the law to help big refineries at the expense of farmers and ethanol producers. The EPA gave 'hardship exemptions' to profitable refineries, releasing them from their biofuel blending obligations. According to projections, this could cause the ethanol industry to lose billions of gallons in demand."

Here, here, Senator.  Kudos to you for finally putting your foot down. Though it must be noted you only raised your voice when there was possibility of millions of dollars not coming your state's way. Meaning you had no problem with Mr. Pruitt beforehand?

What could have possibly clued you in to this scoundrel's scurrilous ways?

His unjustified first class travel?

His unauthorized use of military transport for personal use?

His generous doling out of raises to staff assistants?

His leased condo from a known lobbyist?

Or, maybe the $53,000 Cone of Silence he had installed in his office?

None of that seemed to bother you?

And while we're questioning the motives and credentials of this now defrocked Cabinet member, has it ever occurred to you, or the sheep sitting to your left and your right, to have another look at the swampy hedgepigs that were also handpicked by Captain Fuckknuckle? 

I'm not talking about the ones who have already been convicted of crimes and await sentencing with the Special Counsel (Cohen, Flynn, Gates). I'm talking about the taintlickers who serve in the White House as we speak.

The list is long and ludicrous.

But I've got my eye on Secretary of Labor Alexander Acosta.

Before he cashed in his cronyism, this scumwaffle was a US Attorney who cut a deal with billionaire Jeffrey Epstein, who just happens to be a close friend of your Dear Leader. Epstein was charged with rape and assault of many underage girls. But instead of serving a lifetime in prison, Secretary Acosta gifted him the Maralago Discount, so he did 13 months of house arrest under electronic supervision. 

You've not said one word regarding Secretary Acosta.

To summarize:

Wealthy & subsidized Nebraska corn farmers getting screwed -- Not cool

40 underage girls getting assaulted and raped -- Cool

Maybe you need to turn in your Woman Card.

Best,

Rich Siegel

siegelrich@mac.com

Culver City, CA 90232