Monday, June 25, 2018

"The flogging will continue until I go to Cannes next year."

You have my sympathy.

You've always had my sympathy, assuming most of you work at an ad agency and have become accustomed to the daily floggings, the unproductive meetings, the flip flopping strategies and the ceaseless demand for FFDKK, Frivolous Fuckwadian Digital Knick Knacks™.

Today, however is special. And not in a good way. Because today they're back. And by they I mean the Adverati, those privileged few in our industry who will now be sporting farmer tans due to the excessive time spent in the Riviera sun.

Not only will they be bringing last minute trinkets for the homebound staff (you), jump drives full of blurry photos documenting their Cannes debauchery, and rip roaring tales of stinky cheeses and champagne-fueled yacht rides, they'll be returning with something far more ominous -- Inspiration.

Oh god save us all.
(Again, not me, you.)

"I saw this Instagram flip book put together by a team in Malaysia that was just amazeballs."

"The work they're doing in Lichtenstein would blow you away. They figured out how to make 1/2 second commercials."

"These guys in Israel, I didn't even know we had an office in Israel, are doing 3D printing. In the sky!"

Even worse, is the expectation that you will take their inspiration and spin it into next year's Lion Gold. That expectation will be married to the exhortation to work harder, work longer and push the limits. Why work 75 hours a week when you could be working 85? Why go home at 9 o'clock at night when fame and fortune are just around the corner at 10 o'clock? And weekends?

"You don't need to take weekends off. We met a team in Yemen that hadn't had a weekend off since Bush was in office. And their offices had just been bombed by militia rebels."

Anyway, best of luck muddling through the Pep talks and the Ra-Ra memos.

I hope it won't take up too much of your time because those banner ads for Pepcid Maximum Strength aren't going to write themselves. And the planner working on the Tempurpedic Labor Day Mattress Sale wants to show the client 20 different CTA's.

Happy Lion Hunting.

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