Monday, June 18, 2018

Russia, Russia, Russia.

Russia is in the news again.

When is it not?

As many of you might have noticed I have a Russia obsession. Partly because my father's family hails from that part of the world. Actually not sure if it was Russia per se, it could have been Poland or Ukraine or some other god forsaken shtetl in Eastern Europe that people would have paid good money to escape.

It's my understanding that back in the late 1800's, early 1900's, the borders of that region were quite fluid. Not that it matters, because to this layman, there was very little difference in the people who inhabited that snowy, ugly, grimy corner of the world. It didn't matter what flag they were under, they worked their shitty jobs, they ate bad potato soup, they got drunk on cheap vodka and they beat up Jews and took their hats.

But don't get me wrong, I still love the place.

And I'm not alone. I have to give a shout out to my fellow copywriting colleague Chris Puoy, who is in Moscow at this moment, researching and filming a documentary about his grandmother. I am in awe of his audacity on this one. I'm also indebted to Chris who, just a few weeks ago, connected me to a client for a remote freelance gig -- the best kind-- that has the potential to be a long running thing.

In appreciation, I have dug in and found some more pictures and profiles from the Russian dating Sites. This is for Chris as well as the world's premier soccer players who might be looking to sample the local flavor.

This is Evgeniya Shvedov. Don't let those flowers and that innocent face fool you, she's quite the tiger. Her last lover lost an arm and suffered a broken pelvis in a Valentine's Day evening gone wild, but as he was recovering in Leningrad Municipal Hospital, he told the doctors, "it was worth every minute of it."

Say hello to Gavrilla Bunin. She hopes to meet an American man who will sweep her off her feet, marry her and bring her back to the States where they will live in a bungalow style house, with a white picket fence, satellite TV and a backyard big enough to raise a pack of feral weasels.

This is Viktoria Kupchenko. Though eager to meet a young soccer player, Viktoria can be quite picky. When asked, she said she wants a player "with a good header. Someone who can pull off a bicycle kick. And he's got to have excellent footwork." Then she winked.

The lovely Ludmilla Tsarapkin. Two dozen roses, a red satin teddy, indoor plumbing AND indoor plumbing cleaning tools (lower left hand corner), Ludmilla's dating game is strong. Very strong.

Hello, I'm Klava Ryndenko. Clearly, Russian women have a fascination with toilets. But Klava is doing it all wrong. The stubby Donald Trump hands. The exposed rusty pipes. The stained polyester blouse. And the cigarette lighter on the vanity. Come on Klava, smoking is so 2009. Girl, you have to up to your game. See Ludmilla.

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