Monday, September 11, 2017

A Hink Full Av Hästgödsel

You know that old saying about "half my advertising budget is a complete waste of money. I just don't know which half?" 

I do.

The waste stems from a fundamental brand-to-retail disconnect. That money gets flushed down the toilet every time the behavior espoused by the brand in big million dollar marketing campaigns is not mirrored by the behavior on the ground, where the rubber meets the road.

Or in this case when the dealer tries to fleece the customer.

In other words, Tier 1 spends the money. Tier 2 sets fire to it.

Allow me to backtrack.

Weeks ago, my daughter finished her three summer sessions as a camp counselor. She served in a supervisory role. And worked her butt off. When it was all over, the staff decided to celebrate with a trip to Las Vegas. Against my better judgment, I let my daughter drive with three other counselors.

She took her 2005 Volvo S40 and hauled off the other girls who were equally happy to be done with the overprivileged whiny kids of West LA. When they hit Paradise Blvd., they ended up in hell. The car seized up and they were literally lost in Las Vegas.

This is where it gets interesting.

She had the car towed to Volvo Cars in Las Vegas, at 7705 West Sahara Blvd. A place to be avoided all costs. This is not only borne out by my experience but by other equally outraged Yelpers as well.

On TV and in my head, and perhaps yours as well, Volvo is that nice caring brand. Quirky Swedes who are looking out for the safety of me and my family. And our general welfare. In reality, or at least at Volvo Cars of Las Vegas, that couldn't be further from the truth.

The estimated cost of repairs was over $2700. For a car with a blue book value of $4000. Moreover, I had just done a major service on the vehicle three months ago, including four brand new tires. This was the mother of all flim flams.

Don't believe me?

That's a $335 charge for a new battery!

If you know anything about car repairs, and I know a little, that's about three times what it should cost. I can only imagine how they inflated all the other costs. 

$58 for a wing nut, welcome to Vegas.

Truth is, they had all the cards in their hand. And since I was 250 miles away, I decided to cut my losses and donate the vehicle to the local chapter of the Wounded Warriors.

And to give you an idea of how skeazy these sunbaked taintlickers can be, they wanted me to pay a $170 diagnostic fee (for work that was never done) before releasing the car to the charity. 

If you know me and you know this blog at all, I think it's fair to say that I can bring them well over $2700 worth of bad press.

See Trump

See Kim Jung Un 

See Jillian Richards and See NordicTrack.

See my Yelp review and click Useful.

Moreover, while I most assuredly can muster up $3000 worth of pain, it goes without saying, I will be enjoying every minute of it.

As the Swedes might say, Volvo Cars of Las Vegas is in for an Ikea-sized helping of Fukkenslaggen.

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