Thursday, December 17, 2015

Let's build this thing.

I'm contemplating a small construction project around the house.

More specifically, I'd like to build a fence around my two monstrously huge air conditioning units which now sit on the driveway and take up as much space as a 1966 Simca.

Of course pouring concrete has never been one of my strong suits. The last time I did it was under the watchful eye of my father who, too cheap to hire skilled workers, had my brother and I do all the hard labor under threat of immediate eviction. Or having to watch our shows on the Black and White TV.

Anyway, back to my new a/c units which would not fit in the state of Rhode Island.

I quickly abandoned the fence idea in favor of a nicely constructed slatted box that I could easily place over the ugly oversized condensers.

In my mind the box, sturdily built from dark Brazilian mahogany could also double as a patio table, thereby amortizing the cost for the ridiculously expensive wood.

I saw myself in the garage squaring off beautifully hand selected 4X4 knot-free posts. Measuring and mitering precision cut 1X1 angle supports. Then carefully and meticulously screwing in the imported slats with my newly purchased Lithium battery portable hand drill with extra torque for those hard to reach places.

My wife, who has borne witness to many examples of my past handiwork, had another idea. She went to the computer and dragged out a file of pictures I had compiled of Russian construction failures.

"This," she said, "is why you're not going anywhere near this project"

"Hello, Angie's List?"

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