Monday, October 8, 2012

What did he say?

Since I got in the advertising game, I've sold lots of stuff.

Everything from a $1.99 box of rice to a $200 million dollar Boeing aircraft. I've written copy for beers, batteries and Buicks. I've done ads to help golfers sink a ball 6 inches into the ground. And, as recently as two years ago, written ads for a mortuary that can help loved ones bury relatives 6 feet in the ground.

I've sold an inordinate amount of crap.
But one thing I've never peddled is Bullshit.

This is ironic.

Because today there are many who call themselves advertising professionals who are only capable of the inverse. They can't sell anything you can touch, smell or feel. But give them a forum, an open microphone and a box full of pretension and hipster affectations, and watch them go all GlenGarry Glen Ross on your ass.

Of course it's one thing to make this charge, it's quite another to offer up the evidence.

And so I invite you to stomach your way through this enlightening speech from the Chief Innovation Officer at Kirshenbaum Bond Senecal and Partners. By the way, in my book the only person worthy of a title like Chief Innovation Officer is Thomas Edison.

But back to the video and if I may paraphrase the dreadlocked speaker, "...and I hate to be so terribly cliche (makes girlie cringing face), but this is such BULLSHIT!"

I've watched this video three times and still have no idea what the hell he is talking about. I had an easier time understanding the alcohol-garbled speech of Joaquin Phoenix in The Master.

As a rule I generally don't call out specific people in this industry because there is always the possibility that our paths might cross. But this video, and others by the same speaker, are such prime examples of how this business has gone off the rails, that I'm more than willing to take the risk.

Besides, the risk is somewhat mitigated when you consider this blog gets 200, maybe 300 hits a day. And I'm sure that readership does not include the juggling, poser watch-wearing fellow, who must have 1000 more important things on his agenda.

Furthermore, if it ever came down to a situation where my credentials were pitted against his, I don't think I have much to worry about. You see, I know what I put on the table. And what he puts on the table is usually put in a little plastic baggie or thrown on a compost pile.


Kendall said...

Scraggly hair...Check.
Multiple wristbands...Check.
Graphic Tee...Check.
Sits cross-legged in chair...Check.
Makes squiggly graphs on erase board...Check.

You see him coming and you know his garbled pitch before he makes it. He is more staid, traditional, rutted, and predictable than a Brooks Brothers soft-shoulder with a red fucking tie. He is the IBM of hipdom.


And the prediction? His pitch is not well thought out and has no real benefit.

Rich, this guy is so incredibly graceless and void of merit or's not worth your time bringing him to light...except for a snort.


Jeff said...

Clearly the three people behind him in the second video are in a hostage situation - being forced to listen to this idiot babble until they break, and finally reveal secrets of advertising that actually work and make sense. The other thing I'm guessing is he's probably on a Do Not Fly list - not cause he's a danger to passengers, but because he might put the pilots to sleep.

Anonymous said...

Did your post cause this? Or just pure coincidence?

Rich Siegel said...

No, I don't have that kind of influence. If I did I wouldn't be blogging. I'd be on an island sleeping on a mattress stuffed with $1000 bills.