Wednesday, April 14, 2010

To trash a thief

Yesterday, I touched briefly on our recent stay at a large resort. I love pools, cocktail bars and and afternoon naps as much as the next guy. What I don't like --and have made no bones about-- is people.

Take this hirsute knob (thanks to Harvey Marco for providing me with a word that aptly substitutes for douchebag.)

But let's back the story up a few hours.

My wife, a knowledgeable resort visitor, woke up very early to visit the pool and place towels and some personal items on 4 adjacent lounge chaises. This is a common practice at many hotels. And in fact, almost every other chaise near the pool had been "reserved" using this same technique.

However, when my wife and daughters came back to the pool after breakfast, this knob (I love that word) and his equally hirsute Persian Princess had absconded 2 of the seats. A confrontation ensued and instead of clearing up the misunderstanding, they summoned the Pool Security bouncers to their cause. My wife, standing all of 5 foot nothing, could do nothing in the face of this bully and some unwritten rule about not reserving seats. Ironically, later in the day they left their belongings on their seats while they dined at one of the hotel restaurants.

I didn't find out about any of this until I finished my morning round of golf. Had the inescapable deep bunkers and the dozen lost balls not raised my heart rate, the news of this altercation certainly did.

I didn't want to get my daughters upset so I told Mr. Knob he could remain in his stolen lounge chair. I also told him that I had eaten a hearty plate of chili rellenos for breakfast and that I planned to make their day a living olfactory hell. I cozied up in the adjoining chair and in fact moved closer to where he was seated.

There was a silent Mexican standoff for the next 7 minutes. And before the first shot was fired across the bough, they left. Returning the rightfully reserved seat to its rightful owners.

Do I feel bad about shaming this man and retelling this story to my loyal 6 readers?
Hell no.
Was it completely satisfying?

It is now.

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