Wednesday, February 1, 2012
"I will insist the Hebrews have contributed more to civilize men than any other nation. If I was an atheist and believed in blind eternal fate, I should still believe that fate had ordained the Jews to be the most essential instrument for civilizing the nations."
This quote comes from John Adams, our second and now my favorite President. I had no idea of his inclinations until I had received an email from my old college buddy Joe, who is to political emails what window replacement salesman are to mid-dinner sales pitches, relentless.
And though we don't always see eye to eye on issues, I respect Joe's ultraconservative point of view because it comes from an informed position. Some folks, a few steps further to the right, are not so well informed. You often see them at political rallies carrying signs with misspelled words.
I'm speaking in broad generalizations here (because I can, if you want to speak in broad generalizations get your own blog) but these are the same people who often see a Jewish cabal of world dominators behind every curtain.
What if they're right? I've debunked this notion in the past, but today let's assume Jews do control everything. And let's ask ourselves if that is such a bad thing?
After all, as Adams eloquently stated, Jews have done more to soothe the savage soul than any other nation.
* As a people, we Jews are generally given high marks for being good with money. With the fragile state of the US and European economies, who is better qualified to get us out of this monetary morass than the folks who can squeeze the copper off a penny?
* We place a high value on education. I'll grant you Asian kids are kicking ass in school and flipping the bell curve on its head. But we Jews are nipping...uh...right on their heels. And when Su Lin gets in an altercation with the city about zoning restrictions or Quang Chi gets a toothache, they go scurrying to the yellow pages looking for a lawyer or a dentist named Goldstein.
* We don't proselytize. Unlike the Mormons or the Jehovah Witnesses, you'll never find a Jew knocking at your door hoping to share the teachings of the Tanach. Fact is, and please don't take offense, we don't want you joining our temple. It just makes it harder for us to get a parking spot. And if you do want to become a Jew we don't make it very easy. The price of admission often includes a piece of your penis.
* We are a family oriented people. How many mothers tell their daughters that they should go out and find a 'nice Jewish boy'? If only someone had shared this nugget of wisdom when I was a younger man. If I knew then what I know now, including the value of my own stock, I dare say there would by a few more notches on my belt.
* And finally, we are a benevolent people. Scour the history books. You don't find Jews conquering and plundering other countries. You don't find us raping and pillaging. You don't find us subjecting other people to death marches or death camps. You could argue that the IDF and the state of Israel have mistreated the Palestinians. In which case I'd ask you to re-scour the history books and look up the meaning of self-defense. In light of the terrorist attacks, the killing of Olympic Athletes, the hijacking of planes, the butchering of innocent children, the rocket attacks, etc, etc, I'd say the Israelis have acted with great restraint.
What other people have fought 4 unprovoked wars and then returned more than 90% of the land they captured to a people bent on hatred and annihilation?
Look, Jews don't control the world.
But so what if we did.
In the words of (insert name of Jewish altacocka here), "You could do worse."