I want to sit next to the Osmonds

I can't speak for African Americans and the charge that they whip out the race card too fast and too easily. I do know that non-African Americans making that accusation have no idea what life is like in the skin of a person of color.

They should therefore shut their pieholes.

The same holds true for those who say Jews claim anti-semitism at the slightest provocation.

We're a little more than 50 years removed from Auschwitz, Dachau, and Buchenwald. I suspect if your tribe of people had survived such horrors you'd be a tad sensitive and trigger happy as well.

It's one of the reasons why I donate to and signed up with the Simon Weisenthal Center. In fact, when I registered with the organization I thought it would be funny to have my name stand out amongst all the Weinbergs, Feldmans and Silversteins, so I made myself the head of a fictional organization:

I can't imagine what the mailman thinks when he brings me the seemingly biweekly pleas for donations.

Recently, it was discovered that the Mormon Church has been posthumously baptizing dead Jews to clear their way into Mormon heaven. Naturally, this has upset the good folks at the Simon Weisenthal Center and many have got their non-magical undies in a bunch.

I would suggest their energy is being misplaced. Years ago, I worked at BBDO and one of our clients, Novell was headquartered in Provo, Utah. That necessitated many trips to The Beehive State. It's also where I met and became friends with my first Mormons. 

I don't understand their ban on caffeine and alcohol. I don't know much about their rituals and beliefs. And I'm sure I don't share their same somewhat narrow world view, but I did learn that Mormons have a special place in their hearts for Jews and indeed hold them in the highest regard. I distinctly remember one of my clients telling me that Mormons think of Jews as their older brothers. 

This always made our trips Provo quite pleasant. After all who wouldn't want to be treated like theologic royalty. Of course, I never let on that I was deeply secular and a card carrying atheist.

It never struck me as anti-semitic. If anything Mormons are pro-semitic.

If they would like to baptize me after I'm gone and say some mumbo jumbo over my name to secure my spot in the Beehive State in the Sky, I'm all for it. After all, on the topic of God and the hereafter, none of us have the answers. I could be totally wrong. And the Mormons could be totally right. So don't let me or the easily-upset folks from the Simon Weisenthal Center stop you. Baptize away. 

The way I see it, it's a good insurance policy. And what right-minded Jew wouldn't want supplemental insurance? Especially when the premiums are FREE.