It's hard to think of life in America before Donny Vonshitzenpants.
He has sucked up so much oxygen with his daily grievances, his pathetic need for validation and his non stop bragging about passing a dementia test, it is difficult to remember we used to have actual presidents. Ones that inspired confidence, demonstrated leadership and allowed us to live our lives without being the laughingstock of the world and having 8 billion other people on the planet asking, "What the hell is going on in America?"
So where do we begin?The aforementioned dementia tests seem to be a good place to start. At this writing, our stable genius leader has now "aced" the test 4 times. None of the 46 previous presidents have ever passed one. Mostly because they never had to take one to prove their sanity.
I suppose you could argue Joe Biden, another septuagenarian, should have taken the test. But given the test is easy peasy for an 8 year old child, I have no doubt he would have passed it. I also have no doubt he would not be on social media boasting about the test was an indication of his superior intellect.
Biden, nor any of the other previous POTI, did any boasting or bragging on social Media. Trump is like a scorned teenage girl whose unfiltered torment must be vented. Mostly after midnight. And mostly in ugly double digit spurts, which reveal the unstable nature of his diarrhetic emotions.
Speaking of teenage girls, we never had a president who was best friends with a pedophile. Not just any pedophile, but the world's most notorious child rapist, who is conveniently silent about their association due to an unexpected 'suicide.' Nor can we see the nature of their friendship because the previous investigations have been covered up by Grandpa Ramblemouth's GOP sycophants.
( I have taken a 24 hour break from writing this post as I felt a rising heartbeat and heavy acidic upheavals rising in my throat like a Pompei eruption)
I have returned, but with significantly less verve about this topic. It has occurred to me that if I were to detail all the unprecedented presidential clusterfucks that have befallen our nation since the ascent of Captain Ouchie Foot, this post would be as long as the eBay terms and conditions agreement. Or any bullshit Terms and Conditions of our corporate overlords. Shout Out to George Tannenbaum for mightily pointing out their uselessness.
And so I have decided to go with a Reader's Digest bulletpoint summary of his Trumpfuckery™ and what we have witnessed (and only after 2016) and hope to never witness again:
* AI depiction of Trump as the Pope
* AI depiction of Trump as Jesus...er, sorry Doctor Jesus
* US military rounding up people on the streets
* Alligator Alcatraz, a federal prison for immigrants surrounded by predator-infested waters on all sides
* The destruction of an entire wing of the White House
* A UFC cage match on what was the White House Rose Garden
* A Department of Justice that has been completely weaponized and now serves as his Gestapo
* A blatantly racist AI video with a simian depiction of the Obamas
* An equally disgusting AI Video of Trump piloting a bomber and dumping shit on Americans
* The filing of a $10 billion lawsuit AGAINST the United States of America
* The creation of a $1.8 billion slush fund to compensate the January 6th Insurrectionists
* Starting a war with no exit strategy, or any strategy, resulting in the glib loss of American lives
And finally, because if anything sums up this ignorant, uncaring, malignant, sexually deviant fleshbag of evil sitting behind the Resolute Desk
* "I could care less, I don't think about the finances of the American people."
He said that. And so much more.
If I may take this opportunity to amend one of his original campaign statements from 2015:
"I could shoot someone on 5th Ave. Take their money, shit on the corpse, fuck the corpse and feed the bloody remains to alligators and piranha, and I still wouldn't lose any support."
That's where we are at in America.
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