Take my money Sam

Warning: this post has every possibility of coming off as classist. And yet, I will proceed. Because my recent discovery of Walmart and the Walmart lifestyle have been nothing if not life-changing.

It should be noted that my previous experience with Walmart has never been anything more than laughing at the many memes floating around the internet. Sadly, they almost exclusively are mocking the shoppers  who roamed the myriad rows in search of necessities. And maybe some not-so-necessities.

"Honey, do we have a dog nail clipper/potato peeler?"

Make no mistake Walmart is not only a shopper's paradise, it is 200,000 sq. feet of Nirvana, if like me, you enjoy people-watching.

But I'm going to refrain from that low hanging fruit and focus on the aisles and aisles of consumerist smiles.

As Ms. Muse and I walked into the Walmart Superstore in Palm Springs, we were immediately struck by the in-store McDonalds. That's right, there's a Mickey D's inside the Walmart. 

A fitting parable that captures the Bezo-fication of America.

If they were smart they'd have those trays that could attach to the oversized shopping cart so that Walmartians could chomp on their quarter pounders while roaming through the hardware section. Or sporting goods. Or electronics. 

A throwback to earlier, happier days...

I have many, many other ideas that could improve the Walmart experience, now that I have crossed that rubicon. But I'm not gonna print them here. 

I can't give this stuff away. 

Not far from the McDonalds, just past the H&R Block that's also inside the Walmart, you can also get your cuticles cut and polished. By a trained Nailititian. I can only assume.

Now, at this point, you might be thinking, especially those of you who live in Gotham or you Westside Elitists (a teasing term I hear almost on a daily basis from Ms. Muse, who is a Foothill girl through and through), it can't get any more ridiculous than that.

Well, you can just return your nose to level off with the horizon.

Because wedged between the Cleaning products on the right and Boys Socks and Underwear on the left you will find also find a self-contained Jewelry Store. 

"He went to WalMart!"

I suppose that could come in handy for any young lovestruck couples, who upon concurring on the same lounge chair cushions, salt and pepper shakers and 18V Impact Drills, decide right then and there in Aisle 27G, they must cement their eternal love with a Walmart-Branded .83 carat diamond ring. 

Don't mind that yellow tint, that's just the fluorescent lighting.