Faked Out News

We elected a businessman to be President of the United States. In years past, I might have thought this was a good idea. In fact, when given the opportunity to pull the lever in 1980, I pulled it for Ross Perot. 

Mostly because I thought he was funny and had a slew of Texas maxims that I could listen to until my ears bled.

"He walks like a two headed alligator who just raided a chicken coop."

"She's got the face of a wildebeast that fell of a jagged cliff."

"That makes as much sense as three swollen teats on a volleyball."

Don't bother looking these up, I'm just making it up as I go along. And apparently, so is the "businessman" Dumb America installed as POTUS in 2016.

I use airquotes intentionally. Because he does not do business the way any other legitimate businessman or businesswoman ever would.

And today is the perfect day to make this point. 

You see, on June 17, 2019, Captain Ouchie Foot was being interviewed by George Stephanopoulis of ABC News. Naturally, he was combative, glib and altogether untruthful. He told George, possibly after explaining the finer details of windmill cancer, that his administration had been stealthily working on a beautiful and "phenomenal" (his words) new healthcare plan that would cover pre-existing conditions and would feature lower premiums.

Phenomenal, right?

Even more impressive, Precedent Shitgibbon promised to unveil the plan in two months. Or less.

I invite you to check your calendar.  

We are past the two month deadline he set for himself. He doesn't talk about it. Nor does the press. But I'm talking about it. Because it amply demonstrates his utter incompetence and obscene mendacity. Also, and you can call me elitist for saying so, it shines an oh-so-brilliant spotlight on the Kool Aid drinking deplorables who willingly allow themselves to be flim flammed by this piggish flim flammer.

I understand how busy our beslubbering coxcomb must be -- Russian overlords must be answered, racial tensions must be stoked and rallies must be rallied -- but allow me to explain how this type of behavior would play out in the real world of business.

Let's assume I was still employed at an ad agency and we had just answered an RFP for a big packaged goods account. Let's also say the agency had made the cutdown list to three contenders. And let's further speculate that chemistry checks had been passed, preliminary financial terms had been worked out, briefs had been given and a full board presentation had been scheduled for a date in two months time.

How do you suppose that client would react, if, on the agreed upon presentation date, we had not bothered to show up?

Not because we missed a plane connection.

Not because the dog chewed up the deck.

Not because of anything that might even remotely pass for acceptable in the real business world.

NO.

We didn't show up with the work,

because we didn't do the work,

and we didn't do the work,

or even pretend to do the work,

because we decided to play golf.

FUCK TRUMP.