The game is rigged

Any financial acumen I may or may not have accumulated comes directly from the game of Monopoly. When my cousins lived with us or we were away at summer camp in the Catskills, we played a lot of Monopoly.

The game is brilliant in that is it fun.
But also massively educational.

I learned that since my cousin was bigger and older than me, I would never get to be the cool race car. I also learned about buying properties, collecting rent, building hotels and bullying my brother into bankruptcy when he'd land on Boardwalk.

Sound familiar? It should.

Because contrary to what we've all been told, Donald Trump is not a smart businessman. I have met, and broken bread with, incredibly smart businessmen. And businesswomen. Including a few billionaires. Captain Fuckknuckle is not in their league. At times I am convinced he is not even in the same species.

Our beloved TwatWaffle is simply a good Monopoly player. A fellow graduate of Parker Brothers University.

Making money in real estate and being a smart businessman or businesswoman are not the same thing. I bought my house in Culver City in 1993. It's now worth several times what we paid for it. I don't think anyone, of any astuteness, would look at me and say, "there goes a smart businessman."

 
exhibit A.

Moreover, any paper profits I might have racked up have been seriously squandered on vanity self publishing projects, including Tuesdays with Mantu, My Adventures with a Nigerian Con Artist, Roundseventeen &1/2, The Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Inefficient, The Big Book of Rants and the upcoming Mr. Siegel Writes to Washington. 

All available at the Amazon website near you.

To undercut his legendary status even more, consider the fact that in the early 70's, while Robert Mueller was fighting Charlie in the jungle, The Donald had been handed the deeds to hundreds of revenue producing apartments in Brooklyn and Queens and given a million dollar "loan" to expand his slumlord empire.

Need more context?

Imagine sitting down to play Monopoly. Before the first die is even thrown, Shitgibbon is given the Reds, the Yellows, the Greens, and the Royal Blues, Boardwalk and Park Place. Each property has three hotels on it. He also has the Utilities. And the Railroads. Trashed the Community Chest and Chance Cards. There's no paper money left in the bank. And the only property left for you is Baltic Ave.

Oh and one more thing, you're this guy...