I'm a Jew for Jesus

Twas the day before Christmas…

Oh you didn't think I was going to write this post, the last of the year, in limerick style did you?

That would require waaaay too much effort. I know because my friend Toby wrote a whole book in limerick style and that is just not in the cards for me. In street vernacular, I just don't have that kind of flow. My rhymes are whack.

Did Siegel just say his "rhymes are whack?"

The other night on the Sundance Channel I caught Welcome to Death Row Records, a two hour documentary that hyped the wisdom, courage, and artistry of Tupac Shakur and Biggie Smalls.

I may be an old fart but if musical misogyny and the glorification of crime and street violence is what passes for cultural insight we are all in trouble. I think Chris Rock best summed up my feelings about those fellows.

Let me get back to being a Jew for Jesus.

Recently there's been a lot of hubbub about the remarks made by Duck Dynasty patriarch and self-admitted white trash, Phil Robertson. You know it's juicy hubbub when Sarah Palin injects herself into the fray.

No one would deny Mr. Robertson has the right to say whatever kind of hateful things he wants to say. I happen to be a 1st amendment absolutist. And I have a problem with European countries restricting what neo-Nazis have to say about the Holohoax. Let them air out their ignorant garbage.

Those type of people do the best possible job of discrediting those kind of backward ideas.

I have a bigger problem squaring away Mr. Robertson's racist, homophobic beliefs with what he calls a literal translation of the Bible. I wonder, for instance, if he, his clan, Sarah Palin and every snake handler from here to the panhandle of Oklahoma have ever eaten a cheeseburger. Or dined at Red Lobster. Or even worn a leather jacket over a woolen plaid shirt.

All sins, laid out in the Old Testament and proselytized by the disciples of Jesus.

It seems, at least to this agnostic Jew, that a man or messiah, as kindhearted, compassionate and loving as Jesus would be less concerned with the supposed technicalities of the Bible and infinitely happier if folks lived up to the spirit of his teachings.

You know, The Golden Rule, do unto others, turn the other cheek, all that good stuff.

Those are the kind of values I can get on board with. In fact, most members of the Tribe do. I don't want to offend anybody on either side of the pew, but Jews are some of the most Christian people I know.

And so in 2014, I'm resolving to be more Christ-like.
Kinder.
Gentler.
More empathetic.

Except for that love thy neighbor crap.

My neighbor, his monster trucks, his vicious pit bulls and the illegal welding business from his garage, can go straight to hell.

Merry Christmas everybody.
And Happy New Year.