Single and ready to mingle

One of the best things about being a freelance writer is the the opportunity to work on a wide variety of assignments. Just this year I've worked on luxurious luxury cars, fast food, an online university, a real estate company and promos for a new TV show starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

And it's only May.

While we're on the topic on variety, years ago, one of my many art director partners and I were called in to work on a brand assignment for e-Harmony.com. This was not all that surprising since most people in the industry associate me with romance, love and an insightful understanding of the dynamic between a man and a woman.

Being new to the brand, we were both told that we would be required to open up an e-Harmony account so that we would have first hand experience with the service. It was all in the name of research. And far from objecting to that stipulation, my wife was actually all gung-ho about it.

I think she wanted to see if there were any other women on this earth, brain-damaged or not, who would willingly subject themselves to me.

I was curious, too. Since I had been married long before the whole Internet dating phenomena; an arena  that seems to have been custom made for a copywriter with a sense of humor and a proclivity for self-deprecation. Not to mention I had a shoebox full pictures of myself competing in triathlons.

But alas, those questions remain unanswered.

24 hours after starting the assignment, my partner and I were unceremoniously dumped from the e-Harmony project. No one explained why, but we were both given a healthy "kill" fee, so no one had to.

Then I got to thinking.

Lately, I've been seeing a lot of ads on my Facebook page for ChristianMingle.com. ("Find God's Match For You"). What if I married my Internet dating curiosity with my fascination for sky chief fairy tales.

So, again with my wife's blessing, the plan was to sign up for a membership, fill out a profile and see who Jesus would set me up with for a movie and maybe a late night dinner at Paco's.

But as I was painting the picture of Richard David, a recently-divorced lawyer who enjoys swimming, BBQ food, action movies, and weekly visits to the nearby Lutheran Church, I started having second thoughts.

Sure, initially it would be good for a laugh. But what if, by some divine miracle, some lonely woman actually did show some interest in my fake profile. And what if, after getting her hopes so ridiculously high, she were to find out I was actually a Jew.

And an atheist.

And most devastating of all, unavailable.

I didn't have the heart for that, so I abandoned the mission.
Because to continue would just be doing the Devil's work.