Thursday, May 19, 2011

The End is Here

We're now less than 48 hours from The Rapture. And as many you know, roundseventeen is published regularly Monday through Thursday. Meaning, that without any posts for tomorrow or Saturday, this then is the last official entry before I make my way with the other saved souls to spend eternity with my maker.

But Rich, I can hear you snickering at your monitor, you and the fellow members of The Tribe will not be making that journey.

Under normal circumstances I might grant you the validity of that argument, but perhaps you are unaware of my plan. Starting at precisely 11:30 on Saturday morning, a good 30 minutes before the levitation begins, I plan to hedge my atheistic bets and formally accept Jesus as my saviour. I will also be making similar declarations regarding Allah, Buddha, Zeus, Krishna and Degei the Fijian Snake God.

In fact as I write this I am going through Wikipedia and assembling the names of as many gods as I can. You see I'm not taking any chances. I don't want to be 'left behind' with the rest of you degenerates.

You can laugh all you want but what if Harold Camping, the 89-year old civil engineer and self-published author, is right. In the realm of human knowledge, Harold might not know any more or any less than the Pope, the world's leading imams and rabbis, or any other scholar of religious fiction.

I know he predicted the world would end on September 6, 1994 and that didn't happen. And thank God it didn't happen then, because that was about the time I got my campaign for Castlemaine XXXX Beer produced.

But you know we all make mistakes. 

One time we were at eating Delmonicos on Pico Blvd. and we got some bad calamari. The waiter said he wouldn't charge us for it, but he made a mistake and left it on the bill. I corrected his mistake and he removed the charge. That didn't stop me from giving him a generous 8% tip.

The point is, Harold is human. And humans make mistakes. We just have to learn to adopt, adapt and survive. 

Of course all that is moot because come Sunday I, and maybe you, (but definitely not Erik Moe) will be with Jesus/Allah/Buddha/Zeus/Krishna and/or Degei in a perfect world where mistakes don't happen and the calamari is always fresh.

Peace Out.


george tannenbaum said...

As Woody Allen said "I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."

Diane Tishkoff said...

Rich, you are one funny fella. I just read through many months' worth of RoundSeventeen and simply couldn't stop, kept going until I truly found myself ROTFLMAO.

~ Diane

P.S. RE: this "End Of Days is Nigh" post - for those of us who don't go Camping after Shabbos, may we know a twisted Scripture when we see it (or Google it)...

laurenne said...

I am happy to have included your blog in my pre-rapture routine.
It has been a fun time over here for these years.

See you on the other side. Maybe.

(I will be on the balcony all day since I have not had time to install a rapture hatch.)