Kirk the Jerk

Recently, anthropologist and part-time child actor Kirk Cameron has been visiting college campuses to distribute his doctored version of Darwin's "Origin of Species."

The never-nominated thespian disputes the theory of evolution and is proselytizing the notion of Intelligent Design. He cites the teachings of his good friend, another intellect-free do-gooder, Ray Comfort.

In his now famous youtube video, Ray, a high school dropout from New Zealand (apparently he failed sheep sheering) contends that the banana, with its ridged sides and pull-tab opening is the perfect example of how our Creator put forth food on this planet designed for easily accessible human nutrition.

Though he conveniently skirts the issue of foods that defy any sense of intelligent design.

The coconut for example is just as prevalent as the tropical banana. However, coconuts are typically found a good thirty feet above the jungle floor. If one were to follow Ray's logic, wouldn't our Intelligent Designer in the sky have made some similar accommodations?

Instead of hanging coconuts on trees, he could have dangled them on bushes. Or, and this would have made life much more interesting, the Creator could have given humans the necessary equipment to easily access the white coconut meat, such as long giraffe like necks and rock-hard hands shaped like ball-peen hammers.

Of course, ball-peen hammer-hands would have made it incredibly difficult for Kirk to eat banana. Much less read and rewrite Darwin's book.