Smooth Criminal

I got this email yesterday:

Dear Friend,

I am Ms. Britney Rowley, a co-recording producer for late Michael Jackson the great legend King of Pop who has just passed away on June 25, 2009. While I was working with Mr. Jackson, he deposited some funds for charitable trust organizations with a secured private institution and up till date nobody knows about the existence of these funds.

Due to the recent crisis going on in Jackson’s family concerning his assets. The Jackson family is now searching for late Michael Jackson undiscovered properties and money which might lead to the discovery of these existing funds. My reason for writing you is that I have decided to retire and resettle and now want the money to be moved out of this institution to you, where you will receive it and keep it safe for me until I come over to meet with you there. I need a trustworthy business partner and friend who will advise me on proper investments in your country and how I can live comfortably. I have obtained and secured all back up documents to support whoever I chose as help to this money.

For your assistance and help in receiving and investing this money, you will benefit a reasonable part of the total money. I will give you my full contact details and I would appreciate it very much if you give me yours including your phone number where I can reach you. Please send your reply through my e-mailrowleybritney@yahoo.co.uk

Best regards,
Britney Rowley (Ms)

Here's what I wrote back:

Dear Ms. Britney,

I would love to help you recover the money from Michael Jackson's estate. I have no doubt that a lot of that money was earmarked for charitable organizations to children.

But I think we can both agree that many of these so-called "needy" children are just a bunch of lazy whiners, unwilling to pick themselves up by their bootstraps and deal with the difficulties of life.

When I was a kid I had a newspaper route. I had to deliver those newspapers in the snow and the rain and all kinds of inclement weather. And they didn't stop printing the paper on the weekend. This was 7 days week.

Let me know what I need to do to help you get this money. Also, you mentioned that you are a record producer. Perhaps I could get you to listen to the demo CD of this garage band I play with called, "The Felchers." We cover a lot of early British Invasion material, The Kinks, the Who, Zepellin, etc., but we're working on some original stuff too.

I think you'll really like it. And I think Michael Jackson would like knowing his money was helping fellow musicians instead of some mopey, hut-dwelling slacker kids looking for a handout.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Charles Manson