Thursday, May 10, 2018

Senator Cornholio

You people kill me.

Just when I think interest is fading in my continuing series of handwritten letters to all the Republican US Senators I start receiving a flood of direct emails telling me to get back on my high horse and resume the flogging.

I even had one reader suggest I compile all the letters in a nicely bound book.

Considering the flat sales of my previous three books (all available on I can tell you that will not be happening.

So please enjoy today's letter to Senator John Cornholio (Cornyn) from the great state of Texas.



Senator Cornholio
517 Hart Senate Office Bldg
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Cornholio,

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't refer to you like that. It's juvenile. It's base. And it's simply not fitting for a United States Senator. You'd think that in my mission to write letters to each and every one of the Republican US Senators (you're #14), I'd have gotten past those kind of sophomoric hijinx.

But, apparently I haven't . 

Plus, it doesn't help that every time you appear on TV, whether it's to fawn over Precedent Shitgibbon or to cower before Precedent Shitgibbon or even just to roll over on your belly and play submissive to Precedent Shitgibbon, I turn to my wife and refer to you as Senator Cornholio.

Again, I apologize.

Let's get to more meaty matters and talk about your significant achievements during your 16 year tenure and your current position as Senate Majority Whip. 


I see you haven't really done much. An indication that like your useless Senate colleagues, you have found the perfect vocation in life.

But at least you look like a US Senator. 

There can be no denying that with your towering height, athletic physique and fine silvery hair, you are quite photogenic. Add to that, those gleaming white teeth and I think it's safe to say that you look like you came right out of Central Casting (please pardon the Jewish, elitist Hollywood reference.)

In fact, the more I think about you Senator Cornholio, the more it dawns on me that you are doppelganger for Senator Geary, who made his appearance at the beginning of Godfather II. 

The resemblance is a little uncanny, wouldn't you agree? 

I'm sorry I had to compare you with such an oily, sticky-palmed greedy bastard like Senator Geary, who stupidly tried to extort Michael Corleone and the Italian Mafia for $250,000. 

Furthermore, and let me make this point perfectly clear, I am in no way insinuating that the mob, Italian or Russian, bailed your ass out of a jam when they found you in a brothel with a 16 year old, heroin-addicted prostitute.

I'm not saying that happened at all.

I am saying that I wouldn't be surprised if it does.


Rich Siegel
Culver City, CA 90232

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