Monday, March 7, 2016
Let's Go Panelling
Can you feel it?
I know I can.
And I know my friends down in Austin, eating their artisanal corn beef hash and drinking their cold-filtered, kale-infused, Peruvian-roasted mocha lattes can, too.
It's SXSW time again.
This year promises to be bigger and better than ever. Even the Obamas are showing up, which will surely clog South Congress Ave. and give the residents something to buzz about other than the new shipment of alligator boots over at Allen's House of Fine Cowboy Wear.
Even as we speak, panels are being coalesced and presenters are nervously going over their material hoping to wow the young, ear-gauge-sporting adverati who have not yet been beaten into submission or yielded to the mistresses of cynicism and bitterness.
Fortunately, as in years past, I have obtained a sneak preview of what's to come at SXSW, which I'm more than happy to share with you, the faithful 11 readers of this devolving blog:
March 14, 9:00 AM - 10:00 AM -- FourSquare Introduces K9Square, a new killer app that allows users to check in and tell the world where their dog is at. SXSW attendeees will have the opportunity to witness this incredible new innovation, which FourSquare CEO Don Winkhood promises will be the first in its ever-expanding suite of digital knick knacks.
March 15, 2:00 PM-3:00 PM -- The efficiency folks from Sigma Six have returned with an encore presentation of: How to Reinvent Customized Systems with Scalable Supply Chains. followed by Scaling Your Supply Chain to Meet the Needs of your Reinvented Customized System.
March 18, 10:00 AM -- 10:00 PM -- Increasing Corporate Nimbleosity™. This mammoth 12 hour panel will redefine the operations nimbleability™ at your ad agency. A holistic approach that demonstrates how all the constituents at your shop can not only have their voices heard, but play a meaningful and effective role in the delivery of your advertising vehicles. The panel will be followed by a question and answer period where remaining guests will talk in circles until 3:00 AM or until the housekeeping staff at the Ramada Inn arrives to clean the William Taft Conference Room.
March 19, Noon- 2:00 PM. The SXSW Build Your Own Burrito Bar. It's back and it's bigger than ever. Designed by renowned architect Clive Wilkerson of SuperDesk fame, the Burrito Bar is one long 75 foot continuous table that spans the width of 6th Ave. It can accommodate hundreds of hungry ad professionals, whether they be creatives, account managers, UX designers, Planning Directors, regular planners, junior planners, planning strategists or associate assistant planners. Because let's face it, when it come to burritos there can never be too many cooks in the kitchen.
March 23, 5:00 PM -- Closing convocation given by this year's special guest, Bob Hoffman -- the Ad Contrarian. Attendee who correctly guesses how many time Bob says "Fuck", "Asshole" or "Digital Douchebag", will take home a brand new Buick Enclave.
That's right, a Buick.