This is one for the book.

"You can't make this stuff up."

It's a phrase you hear often these days. Mostly because it's true.

But if you think you've seen everything, you haven't. Hold onto your hat and read about this ass clown, Senator Josh Hawley.


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3.7.19

Senator Josh Hawley

B40A Dirksen Senate Office Building

Washington, DC 20510

Dear Senator,

Bless you Josh. Bless you.

I'm coming towards the end of my yearlong campaign to write a letter to each of our esteemed Republican US Senators. And frankly I thought I'd be running out of steam. Having using up all the good indignation on the high profiles spunkbiscuit senators like Graham and Grassley and McConnell.

To be even more frank, I thought at this point in the juncture I'd be scouring through backwoods newspapers like the Arkansas Argonaut or the West Virginia Pennysaver in search of anything remotely unsavory about your sorry lot, just to get across the finish line.

But then you showed up. 

And showed up in such a big way. 

Last week, you made national headlines. The Big Show. You were on the main ticket. And that's no small feat considering the numerous debacles that competed for our attention: the Michael Cohen testimony (on three separate congressional committees no less), the complete cave in to North Korea's Dear Eater and the collapse of the denuclearization (Ha) talks, and Captain Fuckknuckle's two hour grievance-polluzza at CPAC.

Undaunted by all this hoo-ha, you managed to snag some digital ink for yourself. Or, in the popular vernacular: Nevertheless, he persisted. 

Allow me to fill the reader in.

For two weeks, marshals had been attempting to serve you with a subpoena and compel you to turn over evidence for some ongoing litigation. But, being of the GOP stripe and reptilian by nature, you managed to slip their grasp. 

Temporarily.

This is where it gets juicy. Following your well publicized appearance at CPAC -- America's favorite gathering of tin foil hat wearers and tiki torch bearers -- and just as you were walking off the stage, you GOT SERVED.

Damn, talk about getting cock blocked? I bet you were ready to put on your Alex Jones muscle shirt and slam some shots of Jaeger with your armband brothers just to work off the adrenaline. Instead, you had to speed dial your attorneys and start working on Stage II of Operation Obfuscation.

I'm sure no one reading this has any idea why you might be in hot water with Johnny Law.

Let's fix that shall we?

According to many articles in the Kansas City Star (who am I kidding, I only read one article, after all I'm not some lawyer I'm just some poor schmuck making fun of Republican Senators and we all know how easy that is) you violated the state's Sunshine Laws while campaigning for office.

More specifically, while you were the Attorney General, the state's chief law enforcement officer, you found a way to communicate with your campaign staff in a way that would avoid scrutiny by any investigators or journalists. 

How did you do this, Mr. Hardcore Republican, Federalist Society member who often used the Hillary Clinton cudgel to bash his opponent? 

You willingly set up a private server and conspired to hide and destroy incriminating emails.

Good night nurse, are you fucking kidding me Joshy?

The God of Political Irony shall forever be in your debt.

Best,

Rich Siegel

siegelrich@mac.com

Culver City, CA 90232