Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Dare to suck on this.

Heard while watching football last Sunday...

"Only those who dare can drive the world forward. The all new Cadillac CTS."

Holy horse shit on dry white toast!!!

Drive the world forward?
Have we become this divorced from reality?
What a load of psycho-babble, brain-bashing, marketing malarkey.

Do the genii at Cadillac, or for that matter so many other automakers, truly believe the words that are coming out of their mouths? As well as their very intensive rigorous fact finding focus groups, which are apparently attended by the next generation of Edisons, Einsteins, and Galileos?

I don't know about you but I'm so god-damned tired of hearing about people who dare.

People who are driven.

People who are refreshing the world with their enlightened choice of brown fizzy sugar water.

Granted, I didn't see the 398-page "People Who Dare" Powerpoint presentation, so I'm not privy to all the big data deep dives and the demographic hair splitting, but I'm going to go out on a limb and state, unequivocally, that people don't buy a Cadillac because it aligns with their altruistic nature or their desire to leave the planet in better shape than they found it or their seemingly perpetual need to drive the world forward -- whatever the fuck that means.

They buy a Cadillac to rub their noses in their neighbor's face, the obnoxious neighbors with the barking pit bulls and the yard full of crab grass.

They buy a Cadillac for the massive 973 horsepower, V-8 engine and the hope that one day America will have its own autobahn.

They buy a Cadillac because they like the boaty feel of yacht but are landlocked in Kentucky.

They buy a Cadillac because it harkens back to an earlier time, when you had to own a schmatta factory or captain one branch of the Gambino family to drive a Coupe de Ville.

They buy a Cadillac because there's a lot of shit going on this world. Shit they can't control. Or understand. Or dare to change. But they can work hard. And they can save money. And they can make their driveway the envy of all the other poor saps on the block who are also not out to alter the course of humankind.

You want daring? How about we dare to ignore so much of this useless planning bullcockery and inject some human insight into what we do. You may not like this, but at least their are some nuggets of truth in this...


gl said...

Amen. And that goes for most of the rest of advertising too.

zed said...

You know who's daring? That guy riding the bike to work in the breakdown lane on the I-5 freeway out here in San Diego. Suck on that Cadillac!