Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Stroke for stroke

There was a very interesting article in last week's NY Times on a topic of which I am intimately familiar.
Daniel Jones eloquently lays out the benefits of being bald. But not just bald. Down to the skin bald. As in shaved head bald.

I don't want to tell a reporter at the Old Gray Lady how to do his job , but in an apparent oversight, he only devoted one paragraph to the actual process, that is the shaving of own's head. And since it's that time of the week and my computer has a built in camera, I thought I'd give you a first head account.

Unlike Mr. Jones, I don't do my head shaving in the shower. But I do agree, a good lathering is crucial. I find it very soothing to rub shaving cream over my massive skull. I never got any joy from applying shaving cream to my face but palming my head and spreading a thin layer of blue skin-sensitive Edge is different.

Next, I pop in a brand new Fusion cartridge with the patented 5 Blade Shaving Surface Technology. It seems like just yesterday the fine folks at Gillette were offering the double bladed cartridge. That was quickly followed by the 3-blade and the 4-blade. We seem to have been stuck on the 5-blade cartridge for an unusually long time. I know why it takes car companies three years to roll out a new model, I don't understand the delay on the 6-blade model.

My dad taught me how to shave my face, but there was no one there to mentor me for that first auto-scalping. At first I was very nervous, but much to my delight the sensation was quite painless. Enjoyable, in fact. I start on the left side, just above the temple and slowly drag the blade back to the nape of my neck. Then, as if mowing a lawn, I repeat the process, forming a new line of attack with each progressive stroke.

When I have completed the forward to back motion, I reverse course and go over the covered ground, starting from my neck and ending near my eyebrows. This is important, because sometimes the grain of the hair goes the other way. And you don't want to leave any patches or stubble. 

This too creates an odd sensation because as you drag a razor blade over the bony areas of the skull, you can actually hear the blades shearing off the hair.

Finally, because one has to complete a major chunk of this operation without the benefit of vision and because thoroughness is important, I will rub my left hand over my newly barren scalp to find any errant hairs. When I'm done, my head is cue-ball smooth. Only it's slightly slick from the gel shaving cream. It's an indescribably clean feeling that sadly only lasts a day or two before the stubborn follicles make their unwanted return.

Most of you will never know the joy of this unique experience. And my intent was not to convince you to give it a try. But one of these days I will put my powers of persuasion to the test.

You see, I work with a woman who is very Jewish. She is Orthodox and keeps kosher. Meaning she has never satiated herself with a rack of fall-off-the-bone, smothered-in-BBQ-sauce, baby back ribs. That is a sin. A wrong that needs to be righted.

I have a blog and a computer with a camera and, as I have demonstrated, I'm willing to use them.


laurenne said...

I have always always always wanted to shave my head. I will do it. One day.
This isn't an interesting comment. Dragons!

Mcohen said...

Shes never even tried a cheese burger or shrimp if you can believe it!!! But there is no persuading her:)

Mcohen said...

Shes never even tried a cheese burger or shrimp if you can believe it! But there is no persuading her:)

Jeff said...

Fusion Cartridge. You know the rest.