Confessions of a 175 lbs. Atheist.

I don't know how it happened but there was an alleged Rapture last week and I knew nothing about it. I pride myself of knowing about Raptures. When they're coming. Who's going? Who's staying? Who's left the keys in their Porches before they suddenly go. 

If you haven't guessed, I'm fascinated by them. Raptures are my cat nip. How could they not be?

I'll admit I have a limited scope of knowledge when it comes to Christianity. What I've learned came from my Presbyterian/Episcopalian mother, who was admittedly very secular. So secular that she switched teams in order to gain my grandmother's approval and marry my Hebraic father.

I also caught a little while attending Hebrew School. The staff went out of their way to teach us all about Jesus the rabbi. They told us how kind and loving and giving he was, even if he was suffering from a Messiah Complex. That Jesus doesn't resemble anything I see in the news or in the Prophets for Profits pastors who dominate the airwaves and the Oval Office.

And finally, I absorbed some knowledge while my two daughters were attending Catholic High School. Not sure Rapture is a papal thing, I can't keep all the denominations straight in my head. 

What I do know is that on a certain day, Rapture Day, the good god loving, god obeying people will ascend to the white terry cloth robe place and listen to classical string music and live for eternity. While the rest us will remain earthbound, left to deal with deadly Tylenol, sabotaged escalators and mini AR-15 rifles packed in the lunchboxes of every American student..

Years ago, I purchased a Rapture Hatch on the off-chance I made it on the good list and didn't want my steep ridge vent roof from trapping me on terra firma. Similarly, I entertained some hope that my monthly donations to Wounded Warriors and St. Jude's Hospital for Children would somehow earn me my set of wings.

But that was not to be. 

Perhaps it is slowly dawning on me, during the Jewish High Holy Days no less, that one cannot espouse militant non-belief and simultaneously expect to enter the kingdom of heaven at the footstep of the Lord  at the same time. 

Nevertheless, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the next Rapture. BTW, my robe size is a Large.

An atheist can dream can't he?