Patriots Gone Wild

Oh say can you see the story of the Billion dollar flagpole. That's no typo. Though this blog is often riddled with typos and that would be a natural and understandable assumption. 

A Billion dollar flagpole. 

Sounds ludicrous. And it definitely is, but that's not stopping the folks from Columbia Falls, Maine from moving forward with the ambitious, if not ridiculous, undertaking. 

I know this because it was reported on Page A2 in the LA Times last week. As mentioned on these pages before, I've downsized recently and decided to stop handing over huge bags of money to the Old Grey Lady -- though I still get the digital version of the NY Times -- and feed my brain locally, by subscribing to the once hefty LA Times.

Additionally, I now find myself hob-knobbing with staffers like Jim Rainey and the inimitable Steve Lopez, and even went on a hike with the equally inimitable and master of the stream of consciousness written word, Chris Erskine. It's fun and entertaining hanging out with real writers. It puts me in the vicinity of validation.

Back to the story, because you might be wondering why the good people of Columbia Falls, Maine, where the cold winds of the North Atlantic can have an obviously debilitating effect on the firing of brain waves, want to sink a billion dollars of their hard earned lobster-catching money into erecting a flagpole that's higher than the Empire State Building.

DOH, should've mentioned that earlier. I believe in the parlance of newspaper men and women, that's called burying the lede.

According to Morrill Worcester, founder of Flagpole of Freedom Park, "We want to bring Americans together, remind them of the centuries of sacrifice made to protect our freedom, and unite a divided America."

And he, along with many Mainesters, who have donated to the project, thought building a 1,776 foot flagpole would do the trick? 

Call me crazy, but a billion dollars could go a long way to feeding hungry children, taking care of veterans, building affordable housing for homeless people currently on the street attacking innocent writers protesting against corporate greed and wage inequality. 

I'm not sure Mr. Worcester or his fellow flag fetishists have really thought this through. 

Nor do I suspect many of them have been to the Empire State Building, which stands a measly 1,250 feet tall. But at that astounding height, viewers on the ground would be hard pressed to see Old Glory in all her majesty nearly a 1/3 of a mile above sea level.

For that to happen, a custom flag would have to be sewn, presumably by the local Columbia Falls residents, during the lobster off season. And that humongous flag would literally need to be the size of Rhode Island.

Maybe that's Phase II of the project.