Culture Commerce Wars

For reasons that still bewilder my wife, I follow the GOP on Twitter. My reasoning couldn't be simpler or more Machiavellian, "Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer."

I like seeing what the opposition party is up to. Whether it's Marco Rubio's shameless bible-thumping, Mark Meadow's what-about-ism, or Ted Cruz's piss poor attempt at satire. It's all quite informative. And it keeps my metabolism revving on the redline.

But nothing is more indicative of our country's current divisiveness -- and who's stoking it -- than a quick online visit to both party's e-commerce websites. Not surprisingly, the RNC's features a whole host of "Let's Go Brandon" paraphanelia, as if those three words were the funniest words ever written. 

While the store at the DNC does not cheapen itself with any anti-Trump swag. None. After all, the man lost in a free and fair election, so why give that dead, merkin-sporting horse's ass any oxygen.

This, for instance, is the most confrontational piece I could find among all the tschotkes and swag on the Dem site.

That's quite the shot across the bough, huh? No wonder Red Hats refer to them as evil DEMONcrats or sneaky DemocRATS. That's some more of that legendary Republican cleverness.

In fact, if you were to skim through the Dem's site, you'd find nothing but a celebration of Voter's Rights, Infrastructure messaging, and some not-so faint praise for President Biden. All of it above board, normal and overpriced.

Let's swing over the RNC store. 

Here, with the exception of the obscene pricing, you will find the complete opposite. It's a store dripping with the Sore Loser Vibe. Smug, defiant, jingoistic and childish, a celebration of everything that makes 45 the epitome of the Ugly American.

Don't play golf but still want to let the world know you voted for a twice-impeached, Insurrection-inciting Russian stooge? How about this stylish hat?

It matches perfectly with your "Let's Go Brandon" apparel, lovingly stitched together in a Chinese textile factory.

Don't let a warm PBR ruin your day at the NASCAR race or cross-burning, pick up these cool can coozies.

And finally, always looking to expand the big tent that is today's Republican Party, the RNC has wisely recognized the most put-upon, persecuted and oppressed group of people in America, the ones personally threatened by other winter solstice celebrations, like Hanukah and Kwanza, victims of unimaginable emotional and psychological torture -- powerless White Christian Americans.

The ex President may not have delivered a Wall paid for by Mexico, a new big, beautiful healthcare plan, an Infrastructure Bill, Immigration reform, 6% GDP growth, a denuclearization agreement with North Korea or Iran, the disappearance of Covid, Mid-East peace or a trade war victory over China, but thanks to his tireless efforts, we can all say Merry Christmas without any fear or consequences. 

No wonder he's often referred to as our nation's greatest and most-accomplished president ever.

Merry Christmas everybody. 

And thank you President Trump, thank you.