Vagina Power

I'm not in the doghouse with my wife. At least not now at this writing. Things could change in a heartbeat. A sweaty T-shirt might not make it to the hamper. A coffee mug could be left in the sink. Or a package of sliced cheddar cheese may not have been properly re-zipped.

I'm also not in hot water with my daughters. I haven't violated some unwritten code of PC'ness. Nor have I recently exhibited any of that dreaded toxic masculinity, though the tricep work has been paying dividends and the gun show is coming along nicely.

Equally noteworthy, I'm not trying to score points with any potential female clients or Chief Creative Officers.

All those qualifiers having been laid on the table, allow me to state unequivocally that this little dot of a planet, a speck of sand on a beach that stretches beyond man's imagination, would be in far better condition if it were to be placed in the far more capable hands of the Women.

Perhaps that's stating the obvious, but equally obvious --compliments of the Senate Judicial Committee -- are the debilitating effects of testosterone, particularly when combined with excessive aging, political power, religious dogma and unfiltered crankiness.

"Lady, get out of my elevator, I have to get home to watch Matlock."

It's been a man's world since the first homosapien grabbed an elephant bone, clubbed an unsuspecting baby antelope on the head, dragged the bloody carcass to the cave and grunted to the first female homosapien, "Call me when dinner is ready."

And let's be honest gents, we have made a mess of things: War, genocide, slavery, famine, poverty and Lou Dobbs.

Furthermore, it shows little signs of improving.

The Doomsday Clock has been inched forward. Our planetary demise is looking at us in the mirror. And the response of our childish leaders (the men) comes straight out of a junior high school locker room:

"Oh, you think you have big nuclear weapons, wait till you see my badass nuclear weapons."

"Dude, you have toilet paper on your shoe." 

When I look at who is holding the reins of power, at home and abroad, I can't think of worse candidates. Whether it's Vladmir Putin and Kim Jung Un, or closer to home, Precedent Shitgibbon and the guy who has been eating pureed food for the last decade and needs help getting dressed every morning, Senator Chuck Grassley.

Having worked with, and for, many women over the course of my career, I can say without hesitation that they are far better at negotiation, problem solving, communicating, and just generally making things work.

To that end, it's time we hand Mother Earth back to the Mothers.

Let's put our future in the warm, caring and knowledgable hands of the people who can govern us best -- The Women.

Except Susan Collins, that bitch can go eat a Bag of Dicks.