The Lesser half

Following Precedent Shitgibbon's disgusting disemboweling of sexual assault victim Dr. Ford at a rally in Mississippi, I knew today's letter had to go to one of the Senator's from the bosom of Dixie.

What I didn't know, nor do I suspect many others know, is that Mississippians are represented in the Senate by a woman.

Surely, she would have something meaningful to say about this cruel humiliating attack on a fellow sister....

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10.4.18

Senator Cindy Hyde Smith

113 Dirksen Senate Office Building

Washington, DC 20510

Dear Senator Hyde-Smith,

I am thoroughly confused. 

Or as you might say in your home state of Mississippi, I don't know whether to check my ass or scratch my watch. 

I'm as lost as last year's Easter Egg. 

And as disoriented as a fart in a fan factory.

You see, for the last six months or so, I've been penning letters to all the US Republican Senators. Mostly to complain about the dim, frothy flap dragon that you and your colleagues call President (hint: I don't.) Let's be honest Cindy, if brains were leather, that pussy-grabbing huggermugger wouldn't have enough to saddle a dust mite.

At this point in my mission, I thought I knew everyone on the list. You got your Grade A Assclowns like Ted Cruz, Lindsey Graham and John Cornyn.

And you got your Walking Dead Cadavers from the 1800's, like Orrin Hatch, Chuck Grassley and Mitch McConnell. I'm sure each of these men has an embalmer on call 24/7.

And you got your semi-vertebrates like Bob Corker, Ben Sasse and Jeff Flake, who pretend to guided by a moral compass but in all probability check the balances in their offshore bank accounts more often than a bloodhound licks his balls.

I bring this Senatorial checklist to your attention because it was only this morning that I discovered there were actually four female Republican Senators. Everyone knows Senator Lisa Murkowski and Senator Susan Collins, she of the ear-eating wobbly voice. 

And even those of us who got past 10th grade are vaguely familiar with Senator Joni Ernst, who, when she's not shootin' AR-15's and Glock 9's, makes time to pass oppressive bills and spoon feed millions of dollars towards our neediest billionaires.

But gaaaaawd damn, you'd have an easier time working up a legitimate minion of 10 Jewish men in Winona, Mississippi than finding a 'Murican who knew there were four female Republican Senators.

Senator, you put the hide in Hyde-Smith. 

Maybe that's your schtick. You've got that invisibility thing down to an art. As a veteran of many large corporate organizations, I'm quite familiar with the tactic. Stay low, sit in the back at meetings, collect a check and quietly rise through the ranks by dint of apathy and attrition.

Last night must have been your Black Belt test. 

Because last night, Captain Fuckknuckle flew all the way to Southhaven, Mississippi, to stump for you. More accurately to stump for his Supreme Court nominee and Yale's most famous drunken Boofer, Brett Kavanaugh. 

And to accomplish that, he chose to stomp all over sexual assault victim, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford; in an attack that can only be described as vicious, heartless and brutal, perhaps even more brutal than the attack of 36 years ago.

And yet, you somehow managed to fly under the radar and protect your precious hide. 

When pressed for a comment or a response to this decidedly Un-Christian blitzkrieg, your representative told reporters at the Picayune Item, "Senator Hyde-Smith cannot be reached as she is flipping flapjacks for the Women's Auxiliary Group at the Abundance of Blessings Church in Kreole." 

Well played Senator, well played.

Frankly, you are slicker than shit on a hoe handle.

Best,

Rich Siegel

siegelrich@mac.com

Culver City, CA 90232