High Octane Promotion

Those in my inner circle are shocked.

For weeks now they have heard me musing and pining about the inimitable Audi S5. They have watched me angst over its high price. And swoon over its inordinately high horsepower. And because those in my inner circle are in my inner circle they knew this process, this anguishing, this never-ending push and pull could go on for months.

Even years.

But I short-circuited all that. Perhaps because I just turned 44 and perhaps because I have come to the recognition that the needle is quickly approaching the center of the record.

And so, two weeks ago, after another session of gazing at certified pre-owned (a fancy term for used) Audis on everything from Autotrader to Carvana to kbb.com to Cargurus, I finally spotted the make and model and mileage and price I wanted.

As the Siegel luck would have it, this particular car, was not in nearby Santa Monica or easy-to-reach Beverly Hills. But all the way out in Ontario, where the In and Out Burgers are situated at every other exit and golf cap wearing, tooth-missing trumpsters lurk behind every corner.

Nevertheless I made the trek into the Inland Empire.

After a quick test drive I told the salesman - who knew full well I didn't drive 100 miles NOT to close a deal -- that it was time to talk turkey.

They came down a little off the sticker price but not much. So I pulled the old walk out the door routine. Then, before firing up the Lexus for the long fruitless drive home, I decided to go back in to use their bathroom. That's when I got tag teamed by the whole sales staff. Long story mercifully short, we came to an agreement.

And now this 335 HP supercharged beauty is sitting in my driveway.

Do I love this S5?
You're damn right I love it.
It's by far the most lavish, most indulgent thing I've ever bought for myself.

Of course, now I have to pay for it. And by incorporating it into this blog I have essentially turned the vehicle into a self promo piece. So I plan to write off about 8 months of payments on next year's tax returns.

Take that Precedent Shitgibbon.

Also, I'm available for your next gig.
Make sure you inquire about my new discounted Pay For The Audi Day Rates.