Those poor porn people

I was in San Francisco last week. Again. And as you can see from this snapshot from the 23rd floor of my hotel, Xenia, the Greek Goddess of Hospitality, was much kinder than the previous week when I was double-shafted and assigned to a room next to the elevator.

Correction, next to two elevators.

Hotels rooms have changed quite a bit in the last decade. Minibars with their $9 Bud Lights and $23 bag of cashews seem to have disappeared. Keurig single shot coffeemakers have become de rigueur. And now, because of all our devices, every room now features wall-to-wall electrical outlets. Some of the outlets have outlets.

One thing that hasn't changed is Spank-O-Vision. Hotels still have it, though I have to imagine this one-time ludicrous revenue stream is now running as dry as the creeks feeding the mighty Kern River.

Thank you Interwebs.

With all the free porn on the Internet, and I'm told by friends there is quite a bit, it's not just the hotels that are hurting. The porn manufacturers and distributers must be dry humping themselves in frustration.

Years ago, I had a long term temporary gig at DirecTV.

One of my coworkers told me it was impossible to access the 7th floor of the corporate headquarters in stodgy El Segundo. That, he explained, is where all the workers -- and there were hundreds -- were hunkered down in the cubicle farm doing their best to keep the pay per view porn pipeline flowing with the latest and greatest in MILFs, Barely Legal Latino Babes and a full complement of Fetishist fare.

"Now showing on Channel 594, Fits of Fisting. They're hot, they're angry, they're a handful!"

 I would have given anything to have gained access to that floor, just to witness how the banality of the corporate world found itself intersecting with the titillation of adult film making. Imagine how all the mundane office chitter chatter would sound as it passed through the Chatsworthian prism of porn.

"Hey Phil, we need you in the status meeting, we're going through the 3rd quarter marketing plans for the Lesbian Threesome Packages."

"Who left and didn't brew a new pot of coffee? I'll bet it was those slobs in the Bukake group."

"Bob, put down those P&L reports on Busty Nurses and fill out your time sheets. Otherwise I'm gonna hear all about it from Janet in Accounting."

Sadly, all that's going away. I have to imagine the 7th floor at DirecTV will soon be evacuated. And the porn people will be replaced by something else. I'm guessing it will be the burgeoning Fantasy Football phenomena.

It just won't be the same anymore. Because let's face it, a piece of paper left in the Xerox machine regarding the spread on the Chargers/Saints Game is far less interesting than one entitled Profit Margins on Spread Those Silky Thighs, Volume 12.