Thursday, June 11, 2015

Oh jeez, he's talking about Jesus.

Confession: two weeks ago, I screwed up.

In what I thought would be an amusing bit, I penned my letter of resignation to the Catholic Church. This, following my daughters graduation from a Catholic high school.

The idea of resigning was not a new one. I have many friends, some of whom have graduated from esteemed Notre Dame University, who now refer to themselves as retired or resigned Catholics.

The piece was vintage R17.

I poked fun here.
I went off on little tangents.
And I tried to spread the cheekiness at those who follow the Old Testament as well as the New. My reference to a Beverly Hills proctologist might have gone over the line, particularly for those with tender sensibilities.

But my cardinal sin -- the one I should've known better about -- I mistakenly gave the name of my daughter's school. Thus looping them in to my circle of satire. Moreover, the piece got picked up in the Huffington Post, which only served to heighten my error.

Readers here, that is those familiar with my acerbic tone, and my regular roasting of all three Abrahamic religions, took the post for what it was, a good-natured ribbing at best. Stalwart Catholics reading HuffPo were not so forgiving. The comment section was chock full of rage. And at least one anti-semitic diatribe.

And so my stomach started turning, which is rare as I can pound a plate full of habanero peppers with not so much as a grumble. My worst fear was that somehow the piece would get back to the staff at the school and rub someone the wrong way.

Particularly since the school has done so much for my girls. They provided a small, safe environment with a strong emphasis on academics. They prepped both of them for college. And whether they deserve the credit or not, nurtured them through the troublesome teen years sparing my wife and I the drama that often accompanies this turbulent time.

I really am grateful.
I'm not dropping to my knees anytime soon, but thank God we found this school.

The other reason that caused stirred distress is that I have become the Jewish poster boy for recruitment. A few weeks ago the principal called me up and asked whether I would be willing to speak to a couple thinking about sending their son to the school. I unflinchingly said, "yes."

I would tell these new parents how Catholic school is like a private school education for 1/3 the price.

I would tell them how the school is open to all denominations and will go out of its way to accommodate them.

And I would tell this fellow landsman that following graduation he should think twice about writing any letters of resignation to the Catholic Church.

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