Tuesday, May 5, 2015

My Dream Job

There aren't many good things you can say about the 405 Freeway.

Based on purely anecdotal evidence, I would say it is the highway that fuels the most road rage in America.

But it does have one redeeming feature. The Culver Blvd off ramp on the 405 North.

Recently reconfigured from its previous Braddock Drive egress, the ramp now spills out directly onto Culver Blvd. But not before the distracted Candy Crush playing driver is confronted with an oversized  No Right On Red sign.

And not just one, mind you. I believe there are three signs informing drivers, who might be texting or putting on make-up or eating dim sun (with chop sticks), that they must wait for a green light before proceeding on their inattentive way.

Of course, that doesn't stop these multi-tasking imbeciles from rolling the illegal turn, where nine times out of ten they will be greeted by a motorcycle cop, who often lies in wait on the next street.

If I could make it through the Police Academy and find a Kevlar jacket that doesn't make me look fat, ok, fatter, this would be the dream job of a lifetime.

There's so much to love about what this motorcycle cop does, I hardly know where to begin.

As you might have guessed, I have no love for people who can't keep one hand on the steering wheel and two eyes on the road.

Steve Jobs gave the world so much. The iPhone, the craned necks and the subsequent deterioration of environmental awareness, are not among his greatest gifts.

And so, calling these cretins to the carpet, would give me undeniable joy.

Moreover, the offense is so indefensible.

Armed with a small video camera, or for ironic purposes, an iPhone, John Law has concrete evidence of each mindless infraction. In the world of gotcha moments, this would be the creme de la creme.

If I could spend all day reveling in righteous indignation, writing tickets and racking up thousands of dollars of civic revenue to fix potholes, educate children and silence the reverse beeping on delivery trucks, I would be in Seventh Heaven.

Or at least at the corner of Culver Blvd. and Globe Ave.

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