Monday, July 25, 2016

E Mail Scandal

Many of you are familiar with my Apple debacle several years ago. Much to my dismay, I'm told my quick unexpected departure from the Cupertino office is a tale told by many a freelancer.

To recap, I was hired for a long 4 month gig to help with the launch of the iPhone 5. Because of incredibly tight security and the omnipresent threat of corporate sabotage, I was required to spend my time under their employ, under their roof.

The plan was for me to drive north, shack up at the Klimpton Inn down the street, work Monday thru Friday afternoon and then fly back and forth on weekends to spend time with my family and my two daughters who were fast approaching college age.

Long story mercifully shorter, the working conditions were not ideal. For me. A huge open room. Long community tables. Surveillance cameras at every turn.

"Mr. Siegel, you used an excessive amount of toilet paper in the bathroom."

Not to mention, a slow, laborious process that emphasized teamwork. Ugh. 
Collaboration, yuck. 
And a fastidious fascist-like attention to detail, Agggghhhh!

I was on-site for three and half days, earning an exorbitant day rate I might add, and still hadn't received a brief. I decided then and there that 4 months of this nerdy, khaki pants wearing hell was just too much. So I bailed.

But before I did, and this is part of the tale that never gets told, I shot off an email to my supervisor and enclosed 4-5 pages of headlines and body copy I had written without a brief. The new iPhone was in color, how much did I need a brief?

I'm surprised I made it back to the 101 Freeway without getting waterboarded.

As my supervisor explained, all emails must be sent on Apple's proprietary, highly encrypted Java-coded, hyper HTML-enhanced Super Servers in order to foil any agents of espionage. The discussion got very heated and the veins on his neck throbbed uncontrollably. And he was wearing a turtle neck.

I reassured him they were only stupid headlines:

Make your friends green with envy. 

The sky blue is the limit.

Picking your next phone is no longer black and white.

Remember, these were written without the aid of a brief.

Apart from me being blacklisted at Apple, there was no harm done. My boss didn't get fired. Samsung didn't steal their thunder. And any breach of their double walled, super secret security system went unnoticed.

Who among us hasn't made a misstep with email?

I don't know whether Hillary's reclassified emails were as just as innocuous but with the campaign now entering the homestretch I am sure we're going to get an earful about it. 

After all, the empty-headed game show host/real estate huckster/orange vulgarian has got little else to run on. 

In either case, the next 4 months are going to be Huuuuuuge.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

All the best headline are written without the aid of a brief.