If I were Superman, and clearly with my barrel-chested body type and penchant for salty snacks, I'm not. But if I were Superman, pretentiousness would be my Kryptonite.
Perhaps it's because I grew up with working class roots and lived in a town, Suffern, NY, that somehow lived up to its name.
In any case, I have such a visceral reaction to phony, hipster bullshit that I cannot let it go unchallenged.
With that I'd like to introduce you to David Shing, who often goes by the singular moniker of Shingy.
Normally I'd have made a snide comment about that. Or his nail polish. Or the funny glasses. Or even the hair-don't. But I don't want this to be a personal attack. I don't know him and it would be wrong of me to use this pulpit to shit on Shingy.
This is more about the message than the messenger.
Besides, he has done numerous interviews, where he bills himself as a Digital Prophet, and put out some very impressive videos, which in my opinion, are more damning that anything I could possibly come up with.
Between the suspended lightbulbs, the moody music and the hand gestures I didn't get too far in the video. He lost me when, he started babbling on about…
"Where people are going to cluster in small villages, or tribes. And understand they can have deep intimate communications. And I think we're yearning for those experiences."
Oh Shingy please.
Yeah, the other night my wife wanted to go to a movie but I told her I was going to be on the Internet with my tribe of Claussen's Sauerkraut lovers discussing new variations on the Reuben Sandwich.
I added that I might not be able to drive my youngest daughter to her SAT prep class because I was having deep intimate communications with one of the tribe members who was working on some new Vines with slow cooked corned beef.
The truth is, I couldn't get past 38 seconds of Shingy unique brand of bull. Mostly because what he and other marketing gurus, has to say, has no application in the real world of advertising.
Few are the brands that can actually make a difference in this world. And it's because of their products, not because of their live tweeting or InstaGram shenanigans.
I've got news for all you game-changers, planet savers, media artists and plaid-short wearing, rose-sippers, ours is the world of tent sales, 20% off coupons, and Buy One Get One Free. That's the stuff that pays the bills and keeps the lights on.
For all I know Shingy is a good guy. I know he's a smart guy. He gets paid to speak at industry symposiums. I don't speak at industry symposiums. I don't even get paid to write about the digital ninjas and the HTML flim-flammers who speak at industry symposiums.
But he lives in a delusional world. And like all prophets, digital or otherwise, has made a living shoveling shit and putting the kibosh on critical thinking.
If you're buying what Shingy is shilling, perhaps you should look into the Rapture Hatch: