Monday, June 4, 2012

Stupid Old Jews

Maybe you missed it last week.

It certainly didn't get the media airplay as the North Carolina pastor who suggested we build a huge pen for lesbians and gays. But a bible-thumper from Kansas, Curtiss Knapp (as in rhymes with crap) literally suggested that the government round up gay people and KILL them.

My uncle is gay. And there are times I want to kill him. Not because he's gay but because he can be so damn obstinate. However using the bible to call for mass murder seems a little un-Christian. Not to mention a little un-American.

And in fact it is both.

The law calling for the death of homosexuals comes from Leviticus. Written, foolishly I might add, by my people. Of course that matters little to Pastor Knapp who is under the belief that the Bible, Old Testament and New, is the word of God. And as such must be observed to the letter.

Of course Pastor Knapp conveniently ignores some of the other statutes listed in Leviticus.

From the King James Bible, Leviticus 11:12, Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination to you.

By the pastor's own standards and his unyielding commitment to the commands of the Flying Spaghetti, God, the government should be cleansing us not only of people who enjoy same gender sex but also those who crave Red Lobster's Batter-Fried Shrimp Jalapeno Poppers.

Because the government doesn't have better things to do with its money, I suggest the federales work in conjunction with the management team at Red Lobster and arrange for a sting operation. Maybe on Tuesdays, Red Lobster becomes Pink Lobster with heavily discounted prices for gay shellfish eaters.

That way we can round up two abominable groups in one clean sweep. Then we can ship them off to death camps in Kansas and North Carolina. And of course those camps will have to be built and that will create jobs.

It's a win-win-win situation.
As the right reverend Knapp will tell you, Jesus does provide.

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